Sunday, 12 April 2015

What is life like living with an invisible illness?


This post is completely random and I hadn't planned to post it, it just happened. I usually stick to my schedule pretty well with posts written out up to a month in advance but I felt like this was something I needed to get out there and I feel like sharing it today. So some of you may speak to me on twitter, I'm known for the Share Love hash tag by a lot of you, which I love. I am the happy one which makes everyone else smile, and I love that so much feels like I am finally doing some good within the world. So my post tittle what is it like living with an invisible illness, it's no secret that I am suffering with Mental Illness like a quarter of the population every year. In case you haven't read my previous posts outline my struggles with mental health, I have anxiety and PTSD.

 In 2015 having a Mental Illness is becoming more well known and seen less of a lazy or sad thing to an actual proper illness! So what is it like for me living with this illness? Some of you may know I am a student who studies at University, but didn't actually go to halls or even move out of home until this year, because I was too anxious of leaving home, I can't deal with change. So I study a university degree, during first year I attended most of my days at university, I dealt with the work, I passed. But in second year things became harder, I couldn't just deal with life anymore, it was too much. I spent so much time missing university because the days I would attempt to go in, I couldn't focus or I would end up having a breakdown from being SO anxious or just feeling down. I ended up going to the doctor who would recommend me not going into university at all and give me weeks off at a time.

There was one point at the start of the year I didn't leave the house for an entire month, and it's carried on like this, I've recently started to go out a few days and even drink with my friends which is great. But I still find myself spending a lot of my time between these four walls, and with a lot of free time on my hands, if you didn't know the reason I started Share Love is because I had been signed off university again and had a lot of time being anxious at home and decided to make other people feel better as you never know what kind of day they are having. I like the idea of brightening someones day with a little message, even from a stranger. I feel you can find something nice to say about everyone in the entire world, if I could I would honestly send one to every single person each day but obviously that's not possible.

Life with anxiety is hard, I can't even walk on my own without having a panic attack, it sounds ridiculous I know that if I am to meet one of my friends my boyfriend will have to take me there and meet me after, I feel sorry for him I really do. Panic Attacks for those of you who aren't aware feel like your whole body is shutting down, you can't breathe despite people saying to you, breathe, it really doesn't help. You physically and mentally cannot cope and when you're stuck in a panic attack there is nothing to be done to stop it, it can happen at anytime about anything and it sucks. The only place I seem to not suffer with them as much is inside, so I avoid the outside world all together.

I adore twitter, it's my place to go. There's always someone around ready to talk and I think that's amazing, so thank you to those who are always there. I think it's so weird that I get asked for advice on certain things, because I by no means am any kind of role model for anyone else, I am a 20 year old student who can't even face university, one that can't handle going into clubs and is scared of going out alone. Last night a lot of you may be aware after drinking with a friend I took twitter and shared a lot of random stuff along with a video of myself, just being jolly. Which for me is crazy, I would never ever have filmed a random video of myself and uploaded it, it would of needed to be crazily edited, re filmed a few times and I would of never have been happy with it. Crazy how that some liquid can make you into this confident person you dream of being, but I feel better for finally being able to be myself.

So what was the point in this HUGE post? To be honest I am not even sure, and I am sorry it's super long, I just thought I'd share with you MY experience of mental health and how I manage to deal with my life.

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22 comments

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. So brave! Hope it all improves for you xx

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  3. Just wrote a long comment then it disappeared! 😠 I admire that you write about MH I try and cover up any problems I have so hearing you speak up really helps! It started in uni and the last two years of my degree I was pretty much awol. I wish I could rewind and know what I do now about MH. Your video was so funny last night hope you enjoyed your night!keep on the positive road your on..xx

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  6. Go girl!
    Having suffered with anxiety & panic attacks myself for the last 8 years I know exactly what your going through! I was house bound a nd could do nothing by myself!
    You've been super brave posting this!!

    Becca
    Www.queenbeebecca.com

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  7. You're a real inspiration olivia, and such a lovely and strong person inside and out :) These kind of posts definitely will help a lot of people, take care and wishing you all the success and the best :) xx

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  8. Having suffered with anxiety and agoraphobia myself for 7 years I completely understand what your going through.. the only advice I can give you is don't let it beat you and let it stop you from living your life to the full.. Just remember you have your boyfriends, friends and family support behind you! It takes time but you will get there.

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  9. I love reading posts about mental health, they're so important to me. I think it's really important that we, as bloggers, keep writing about them and raise awareness for them. Great post xx


    ZoesSecretStyle.blogspot.co.il

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  10. I was barely in my university during second year for the same reason, I was in hospital more than uni so how I passed was beyond me! This was such an important post, and such an inspiring one. You may not feel like an inspiration but you really are <3 Rebecca | Rebecca Marie: UK Lifestyle Blog xxx

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  11. I fully relate to everyhting you have said. Last weekend I hit rock bottom and ended up posting a video crying about uni, anxiety, loneliness, my grades, my future... I just got it all off my chest, which was incredibly therapeutic, and the support I've had has been overwhelmingly wonderful.

    Thankyou so much for being so open and sharing your ups and downs and reminding me that so many others are fighting this battle and finding little glimpses of calm and happiness. Seeing your drunk tweets was an absolute joy, I completely understood how amazing it must have felt to let go. It feels awful when anxiety takes over again, but just remember that there will be many more good times, and one day anxiety will just be a bad memory xxx

    https://youtu.be/6XoPu0-18ro

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  12. You have the biggest heart with the kindest ways. I admire your bravery in this post! I also had similar experiences a few years ago and although my anxiety, depression and panic attacks are more controlled now, I still have flare ups and sometimes I just think it helps by getting it all off your chest and opening your mind. You can only take each day as it comes and it's important to remember that every step is a goal. Whether you were filled with alcohol or not, you still managed to go out, have fun and forget for a while. I'm glad you were able to let go, those moments are necessary to thrive from. Sending lots of love xx

    Bridie | Upon My Sleeve

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  13. This is a great post, ive been struggling with depression for a year now and still dont know how to handle it, i have no life anymore, i rarely go out, i have no friends at all, i rarely see family, just dont have any motivation for anything, i hate it! my thoughts and dreams scare me =[


    emyii90.blogspot.co.uk

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  14. I had to take a year out for the same reasons so you're totally not alone in that one! Your share love hashtag is blooming lovely too <3

    Love Lucinda xx
    http://thefashionfictionary.com

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  15. I think it's great that you've shared this Olivia. Sometimes you just need somewhere to vent your frustrations, so to speak, and where better to do it than a blog? :) And I think that all the lovely comments before mine will have put a big smile on your face and made your day just that little bit better. If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can find me on Twitter - @withlovefromlou - I'm not great at advice, but I'm one hell of a good listener :)

    Louise x


    With love from Lou

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  16. I admire that you write about MH I try and cover up any problems I have so hearing you speak up really helps! it started in uni and the last two years of my degree i was awol. I wish i could rewind and know what i do now about MH. keep on the positive road your on.. xx

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  18. Great post. I've been struggling with PTSD for 17yra, so I understand how difficult it can be. Good luck with uni & life in general.

    www.somethinginthewayshemoves.me

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  19. Such a great post, thank you for sharing :) Awareness is everything and you've done so well and achieved so much, it's an inspiration! 💕

    Lozzymaye.blogspot.co.uk

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  20. What a brave and wonderful human. Thank you for sharing this!

    I recently got into twitter and am loving it. Theres so much love on there!
    (Well maybe apart from #JustGoForAWalk whoops!)

    Lots of love

    xo

    The littlest one
    littlestlady.com

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  21. I admire how brave you are for talking so openly about MH as I know how hard it can be.

    I hope that one day you can over come these things but until then know that everyone is here for you & you're doing an amazing thing by helping others!

    Katie Ellen xx
    http://katieellen201.blogspot.co.uk

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