Highstreet Bargain Beauty Haul!

I love to find a good bargain, I mean who doesn't? It's a great feeling when you find a huge discount on an item you've been wanting for a while or even seeing an item you once knew was 4x the amount of what it is being sold for currently. TKmaxx is one of my favourite places to shop all things discount beauty, earlier this year I wrote a post about bagging a bargain and it was massively popular so I thought I'd share with you some of my latest discount beauty items. I am writing this post just after buying the items so I am hoping you guys will be able to locate these in your local stores. Let me know in the comments what your best bargain of all time was. 

Too Faced Unicorn Dreams £22 - £7.99
When I go to TKmaxx I am a little wary of how old products are for the price in which they are being charged at, but when I saw the mermaid and unicorn collections within the items I knew the collections are both relatively new. So when I saw this amazing unicorn dreams mystical effect highlighting stick for £7.99 when it is still on sale in Selfridges for £22, I knew I needed to snap it up. The other thing about TKmaxx is that often people use the products for swatches which means that often there are faults with the items, but this unicorn horn was completely untouched which made me super happy. They had two shades of the highlighter and I went for Unicorn Dreams.   

Freederm Pore Minimiser £6.49 £1.63
I was looking around the skincare in Boots and spotted this Freederm Pore Minimiser for £1.63, I suffer from acne and I am constantly looking for new products to keep it at bay. I picked up this as I know that Freederm is always a great go-to for troubled skin. 

Biore deep cleansing pore strips £8.49 £2.13
As far as I am aware of the reason that these are currently £2.13 is due to Biore are rebranding their packaging of these strips. However, I believe the product will be exactly the same. For the sake of an old box for a quarter of the price, I am pretty happy with that. 

MasqueB.A.R Anti-Blemish Mud Mask £7.99 £2.50 
I first heard of the brand MasqueBAR on ASOS when I purchased some of their charcoal masks, I believe I paid around £9 for them at the time. They are some of the best face masks I've ever used and for £2.50 for 3 masks you can't really go wrong. I can't actually see any reason these are reduced as of yet, but it is likely to also be due to a re-package of the product.

Too Faced Mermaid Tears £16.20 £5.99 
Another Too Faced bargain that I picked up from TK Maxx, I was shocked to find that this gorgeous colour changing lipstick from Too Faced was just £5.99. The packaging of the product drew me in and once I opened the product to check it wasn't already used (and it wasn't, win) I saw a beautiful greeny purple glittery shade and I fell in love. For the price and the fact I knew I'd wear it so much I had to purchase it. I know a lot of people wouldn't want to wear the colour so that may be one of the reasons it's cheaper. 

Honourable mention- Popbands: 
Finally, I thought I'd give a quick shoutout to Superdrug as their clearance section has some bargains in it and I found these Popbands for just 30p for 3. They're great for tieing up your hair and don't hurt like normal bobbles can. They come on a card so they're also great for storing in your bag. I'd totally recommend seeing what bargains you can find in your local Superdrug as I know sometimes it can be pretty hit and miss. 

It's amazing what bargains are available on our highstreet and half of the time we don't even know they're there. Plus I still got Boots points on my Boots purchases as I had additional ones loaded to my card for a face product. Win. 

Christmas with Yankee Candle 2018

It's no secret that Yankee Candle is my favourite candle brand, their one of those brands that once they're in your life, they never really leave. You know their reliable, last ages and always have a huge variety of scents to chose from. Yankee Candle releases several collections throughout the year but the Christmas range is always my favourite. If you missed last years collection be sure to stop by the post. This year I was gifted 2 of the candles and an advent calendar so I thought I'd share my thoughts with you on those and if there are any other brands of candles/wax melts you'd like for me to review, do let me know in the comments and I'll try to do so. 

Yankee Candle has a variety of sized candles, the large jars which are featured in this post are £23.99 and they have over 110 hours of burning time, the medium jars costing £19.99 and having around 65-70 hours and the small jars which cost £8.99 and have a burn time of 20-30 hours. They also have wax melts and votive candles. As someone who likes to have a variety of scents on the go, I do usually buy one of the large candles for my favourite scent and then a huge variety of the melts as I feel like they smell the strongest for the longest amount of time and cost £1.79. Plus it's a great way to try out new fragrances and great for creating presents for friends with, as you can pick a variety of scents to allow them to chose from. So this year the two scents I am going to be reviewing are Winter Wonder and Frosty Gingerbread and hopefully, you find these reviews useful as I am rubbish at explaining scents.

Frosty Gingerbread

Frosty Gingerbread:
Frosty Gingerbread reminds me of my first Yankee Candle, I don't even remember the name of it, I just remember that smelled so strongly of ginger and other winter spices and filled my room with that 'true' Christmas scent. Frosty Gingerbread fills any room with that true homely smell and makes you feel instantly relaxed. The smell to me honestly just smells like when you've baked gingerbread biscuits and the smell takes over the whole house and it's just lush. 

Yankee Candle state the following about the fragrance notes:
Top: Cinnamon, Vanilla frosting, Nutmeg
Mid: Ginger, Clove
Base: Gingerbread, Sugar.

The first scent that I notice when I smell the candle is ginger, followed by a sweet sugary scent. I think for some people, it could be a scent that isn't their cup of tea as it is strong and could be overpowering. I know not everyone loves the winter spiced candles, but I find it delightful. The colour of the candle is a deep red and the biscuits on the front make me want to make my own too. If you love ginger you're in for a real treat, let me tell ya. 

Winter Wonder Candle

Winter Wonder: 
Have you ever just smelt a candle and known it was one you needed to purchase? This candle is that one for me. To me, at first, I thought this smelt like a mix of white chocolate and peppermint. It's super sweet scent and totally different to Frosty Gingerbread. It smells so lush and it's one of those candles that aren't overpowering but are a nice background scent. 

The fragrance notes for this candle as advised by Yankee Candle are:
Top: Frozen Lemon, Frost Air
Mid: Champagne Accord, Silver Balsam
Base: Vanilla, Sheer Musk

If you're looking for a sweet scent this Christmas I'd totally recommend this one, it is one of my favourite ever candles alongside Fireside Treats. It's one of those candles that are a safe bet for a family or a friend too in my opinion as it's just such a loveable and relaxing scent.  

Yankee Candle Advent Calender 2018

Advent Calendar 2018 (Contains Spoilers): 
Last year throughout December I loved opening each of the tea light candles and trying out the fragrances which were within. The candles are the perfect size for an evening of burning and for the size, they pack a punch for sure. 

The scents in this year's calendar are: Glittering Star, Winter Glow, Icy Blue Spruce, Crackling Woodfire, Sparkling Cinamon, The Perfect Tree, Snowflake Cookie and All Is Bright. Which is a large variety compared to last year, as I felt there were a lot fewer scents to chose from. I am excited to try out some of these scents and it's a great way to decide if to buy a full-sized version of the candle. 

Overall I'd say the Christmas collection this year has a lot more choice and the scents are a little more like me. Full speed ahead to December

What are your favourite Christmas scents? 

Lets talk about Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Hello November. Goodbye Sunlight. 

The day of the year I dread more than most the day the clocks go back and this year that was on 28th October, I didn't mind the extra hour in bed, or that day, in general. It was a pretty good Sunday, but the loss of light which was ahead was stuck in my head. Knowing that it wouldn't be until March when those long nights became longer days all over again. Sat my desk that day, knowing when I started it was only just getting light and when I finish the light will be completely gone. Limiting myself to going out in the evenings because the dark is something I fear. The person I become not having those extra hours of light struggles through the next few months. SAD also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder is a type of depression which comes and goes throughout a seasonal pattern. Most of us struggle with change which is out of our control, but this goes deeper than that. The change for most of us who struggle with SAD is unbearable. The lack of light makes us a shadow of who we were in the summer. SAD doesn't just affect people who struggle with the winter months, it can be the same for the summer months too. 

Seasonal Affective Disorder brings out the worst parts our depression and there's nothing we can do about it. For me personally, it makes me want to hide out in my bed a lot more, as the idea of going outside is not something I want to contend with. Getting up and going to work seems to become more of a struggle each and every day. The energy I had in the other 5 months of the year, zapped from within me. Looking forward to the months of being able to open the curtains and feel happy to be awake. SAD can often make us feel like we want to hibernate and not see our friends, not go out, and finding it hard to sleep at night and then almost impossible to stay awake in the light. One of my bad bouts involved me failing to sleep at night due to constantly waking up, then sleeping all day until it was dark again. I think I went 4 days without seeing any natural light and it made me feel so ill, but I couldn't overcome it. 

Despite this, Christmas is still one of my favourite times of the year, and this is something which helps me to get through those really bad days. The upcoming excitement of the streets being covered in lights, a huge tree making its way to the middle of the town, my house being filled with bright and quirky ornaments and of course the best Christmas songs and films around. The spirit of people coming together churns out some of the person who has been hiding inside. I find it a lot easier to cope on days when I feel like I have things to look forward to, and as much as I hate to admit it on the days when I eat better, I do feel the benefit. Taking those daily vitamins is a great way to boost your mood from within also, I often don't realise how much they do for me until I stop taking them. Vitamin C and D are my best friends for giving me an extra boost.

Until recently I had suffered in silence about Seasonal Affective Disorder and when a work friend and I started to discuss how every single morning at work felt like we had to wade through water whilst feeling like we have weights on our ankles which was pulling us back down, no matter how hard we tried to stop it. He told me about SAD lights and what a difference they make to each day, this is called light therapy. Most light boxes emit 10,000 lux, which boosts the serotonin in your brain and helps you cope day to day during these times For someone who didn't even know these existed, it was a huge relief to learn such things are available in these bad times. This year, I've started to research in purchasing my own lightbox. Sad.uk who sell these lights also have a huge section of information on their site about the different types of light boxes you can get to suit your lifestyle as well offering information on SAD itself, which can be useful to share with friends and family. Sad.uk also recommend getting light in as early as possible to boost your energy throughout the day. 

For now, until the sun returns for another summer ahead, I will try to make the most of the light around me, whether that is real, or artificial. It all makes a difference.

Will Reviews: Plantronics BackBeat PRO 2

Will here, back for another review on Dungarees and Donuts! Olivia was gifted these Plantronics BackBeat PRO 2 headphones are available here, they are Bluetooth wireless headphones with noise cancelling technology. As last time when I did a review for Mo Bro's Grooming Kit a lot of you seemed to enjoy it, we thought it would be fun to do another review! Let me know in the comments what you'd like to see me review next. 

Plantronics BackBeat PRO 2

The Look:
Personally, I'm really picky about headphones. I hate having ones that aren't designed to last, and I really don't like having ones that sound bad either. The issue is there are so many headphones that are poorly designed and poorly designed headphones can actually cause discomfort and a poor experience when listening to music.  The Plantronics BackBeat PRO 2 has surprised me, there's a lot of technology going on in quite a small headset. In terms of design, they look nice. There's grip on each earpiece and a nice imitation wood finish on the sides. The black and brown colour scheme is a nice touch, I really like how Plantronics have used different textures in the design of these. I couldn't really complain about how it looks as it looks really modern and sleek.

Plantronics BackBeat PRO 2

The Sound:
Music is built up from different frequencies, highs, mids, and lows. Some headphones distort or miss some frequencies, and I really don't like that. From what I've experienced with the BackBeat PRO 2 music sounds really nice and I didn't hear any distortion. When listening to music to test these, The bass was really cool, every thud from a kick drum and every snap from a snare was prominent, and the ring from every cymbal sounded really smooth and clear. It's possible to hear every echo and reverb from sounds through these headphones too, and you can hear layered or hidden elements of songs too. These headphones would be really good for music production.

The Feel: 

The BackBeat PRO 2 has soft padding around the headband and ears. The padding is soft, the headband is very adjustable too, making for a great fit and comfort. They're able to be used for long periods of time without discomfort. They don't feel too loose to wear either, which is another positive. The noise cancelling that these headphones have is good, and probably some of the best I have ever used. When the music is at half volume, any background noise is almost unnoticeable. I can imagine the noise cancellation to be great for trips away or even during a noisy commute on the train. 

Plantronics BackBeat PRO 2

The wrap up: 
Not to forget, these headphones are also wireless making them great for when you're on the go, you don't have to deal with wires getting tangled and you can take phone calls through the headset. Most wireless headphones have a really bad battery life that doesn't last much longer, but these headphones actually have a very long battery life. From what I noticed, they seemed to last longer than a day's worth of use when wireless.

One of the cons of these headphones is that they aren't collapsible so when you put it in your bag you need to be careful in case it was to break, but they feel very sturdy. The open mic feature can be a bit confusing when you're not using it, as your voice is played back through the headphones but this can easily be adjusted.

Overall, my experience with using these headphones has been really great and I couldn't recommend them enough. I have to say that they definitely stand up to competitors in the market. Absolutely worth the money because you really do get the quality that you pay for!

What does your tattoo mean? The ramblings of a tattooed blogger.

Growing up, I loved to watch Miami and LA Ink. Watching in awe at the people going into the tattoo studio as a blank canvas and leaving with these beautiful pieces all over their body. Each one of them had their own story to tell, whether it was a passing of a relative, a date of a birth or a piece of art they've wanted for years they always meant something and Kat and the team would create these lovely pieces which were literal pieces of art. I dreamed of the day I was old enough to get my first piece, I would spend hours on the internet searching what I wanted to get. I was still clueless at 18, the shows made it look so simple to decide on something so permanent, I was panicking that I would make the wrong decision. I was also scared of the pain, forever asking people if it would hurt and how much. The honest truth being, it depends where, how big and what your pain threshold is like. For those of you who are wondering, tattoos do hurt, I have a few stand out pieces which I felt like my body parts may just fall off.

It wasn't until I reached 20, that I finally made a choice, got booked in and turned up on that day and got my first piece done on my left wrist which meant so much to me, it was a beautiful rope infinity symbol with an anchor within and it says 'I refuse to sink'. It was about overcoming my struggles and working through the constant battle of my mental illness. To this day, I am glad this was my first piece as it is is so meaningful to me. On my other wrist, sits a beautiful rainbow coloured quill writing out the word 'believe', again this piece was a little part of something bigger in my life. 

I had the tattoos that had significant meaning to me, I wanted to have a bit of fun with the rest, and until I recently had my bunnies tattooed on my leg, the pieces I had were random, colourful and fun. Getting asked but "what does your tattoo mean?" is a question which always strikes me a little as there can be no meaning. I liked this piece of flash from my tattoo artists sheet, or I saw something cute on Pinterest and wanted to turn it into my own vision. I love coloured tattoos, small pieces built up into something bigger. Three of my tattoos are of bunnies which is my favourite animal, I have a few food pieces including a doughnut and the others are just random things I liked the look of.  

To me, my tattoos were something I liked at the time, and whether I turn around and hate them in the future is something I'll have to live with, but for now, I am happy covering my body in these pieces. The colour makes me happy and gives me something that brings out confidence within me, some of my tattoos I prefer over others, just like most things. The thought process behind each one is different and sometimes it really as simple as seeing something drawn up by an artist that you think would compliment your pieces and other times it can be something more personal like a pet.

The comments of what will those tattoos look like when you're old, or when you gain or lose weight, the honest answer to that is, I don't know. I may regret them when I am 80 or I may not, it's a new generation of tattoo lovers and I know I certain I will not be alone. Tattoos can symbolise a journey of a lifetime, and bring stories from within. They can also show some colour on your body. 

My tattoos mean something to me, to everyone else they probably don't. The same goes for most tattoos which are upon someone's skin. For those who like tattoos will probably enjoy looking at my pieces like I do theirs. I love looking at the cool pieces of art they've chosen on their body, and laughing with them about those not so good mistakes they made. It is important to remember that not all tattoos have meaning to that person, and it is ok to have one purely for the sake of liking the image. 

Do you have tattoos?

Lets talk about the dark side of social media.

Ever since I was 10 I've had my own computer, at first it was an absolute tank that you could only use paint and word on, but it was my own computer and it felt great having this amazing piece of tech in front of me. I was 14 when I got my first laptop, the freedom to browse the internet how I wanted, creating those social media accounts, signing up to MSN, because everyone at school had it, and you wanted to be like your classmates, you'd ask for their 'addies' in lessons and write them in your notebook, and if it was someone you really fancied, you'd usually ask your mate to get it for you. I joined sites like Bebo, Myspace, Piczo and Facebook. Facebook was not even that much of a big deal back then like a fair few people had it, but Myspace and Bebo were the ones, sadly neither of them exist anymore. I became friends with many online people, those to this day I haven't met, we spoke about everything and when I was lonely, I always knew there would be someone online I could reach out to. 

I was 15 when Tumblr took off, I would spend hours upon hours looking at blogs that people had created, at first it was all of the bright coloured fun ones, I even went to a meet up with another friend I knew in rl, in Birmingham and we all took a photo together which I had in my room until I was 18. Although I found it hard to reach out to people at the meet as a lot of people were internet famous, I felt a part of something. Slowly I fell into a trap of the dark side of Tumblr, the blogs were less colour and more black and white. I watched Skins around this time too, and I was constantly reblogging quotes about Skins, which if you've ever seen it, you'll know the themes within it are hard-hitting. From following the blogs who were sharing these quotes, I'd fall deeper into their blogs, and looking back I wish I'd shut down the computer and stopped. There were blogs on self-harm, including how to do it, videos of people who felt depressed and suicidal and were sharing their thoughts online. My escape of online was becoming my worse enemy and I couldn't even see it. The people on the site were my friends, they felt the way I did, and nobody else did.

I felt myself being sucked into this online cycle of self-harm and depression. I didn't link the two until I was older, I started to use the site a lot less and things felt better like I could breathe again. But I kept going back, I was getting messages about down people felt in my ask box, and I knew I had to respond. My followers were growing and along with it so was my self-esteem, these people really wanted to follow the content I was posting. The quotes and pictures were eating away at me, but when I started college, I took a step back and began to realise how toxic it was for me. 

I joined Twitter in college and quickly became my favourite social media platform, I ended up talking to like-minded people, it made me feel a part of something again and I liked it. I became part of the blogging community and everyone was supportive. Taking part in chats, reading each other's posts and taking part in cute swaps. Although I still find myself a part of the blogging community, I don't think it will ever be like it was again. The social media I find myself using the most and have done for years is Instagram and as much as I hate to admit it, Facebook too. Even if I don't post anything on Facebook, I can spend countless hours of my team looking at my feed, half of the time just looking at the same stuff over and over and I feel like my brain is melting sometimes. Something doesn't really exist until it is on Facebook it feels sometimes. I am guilty of being a part of it too. 

As for Instagram, I love the platform as it allows us to be creative, I enjoy spending hours creating amazing content and putting it on a platform to share. But it can often take over real life, and as a fellow creator, I know my content is staged, and so is most other people. Nobody really sits on their bed with their toothbrush and perfectly brushed hair or in the park with their friends with a perfectly set up picnic, gazing into the distance. Plus the food you see on there usually has a million and one filters on. I love Instagram as for me, it's an escape from reality. It's great to see some bright and colourful pictures and who cares if they're edited and set up. Take them with a pinch of salt. 

In the current day, I feel like I have a better relationship with social media, but I do often wonder how I would function without it. In terms of blogging Twitter, Instagram and Facebook are something I feel I need. But if I wasn't a blogger, I would if I could take a step back. Food for thought on this one, could you take a detox from the social media? I'm not too sure I could. 

SherbetBox Club: The perfect companion on a rainy day.

Rainy day box Sherbet Lane

It's been a *little* while since Sherbet Lane has featured been featured on my blog, but thanks to the lovely Claire who is the genius behind the box gifting me this box, I am back with another review for you. I know a lot of you enjoy stationery and my last review of the SherbetBox Club went down a treat. Each month has a different theme and is helped to be decided by the members of the Sherbet Lane Facebook group. The theme this month is Rainy Day, which with us heading into the colder months it is a pretty relevant theme. As I am a huge advocate of self-care, this box is the perfect companion to help you through the days when you just need a little pick me up. Oh, and the contents of the box are a complete surprise so it is like a little present to you from you. I'd love to know in the comments what your thoughts are on the box and if you'd like to keep seeing reviews of the box each month, let me know below! 

Rainy day box Sherbet Lane
Rainy day box Sherbet Lane

I was instantly drawn to the book which said 'rainy day doodles' on it, which I was half expecting a notebook to do some doodles in, but once I opened it up I saw pages of step by step drawings, which for someone who is terrible at drawing and art, in general, I found this an awesome touch, oh and there is a bunny and a cute rabbit to draw too, yay. The book is super lightweight so it would be great to take on a journey with you. I noticed the pink envelope which says 'a little something to remind you on a rainy day that the sunshine is never really that far away' the quote in itself is adorable, but when I opened it up I was greeted with an adorable little ice cream charm, which is such a thoughtful thing to add in there. I especially would enjoy finding this on one of my down days, as it is a great reminder.

Next, I took a look at the stickers which had a label on saying 'no rain, now flowers' colour in stickers, which I thought was an adorable addition to the box and I can't wait to start colouring them in, these would be a great addition to a seal card or just to stick to a notepad. Following this, I noticed some adorable paper with paint splatters on, some envelopes and some large confetti, along with a pen. Which I assume is to write letters, I loved this in the last box as it allowed me to send cards to all of my friends and also include confetti in them, happy mail is the one.

Rainy day box Sherbet Lane

Buried inside of the box was an adorable little notepad which has to do lists on them, which I love to create to help myself work through my tasks, especially during times that I feel down, I find it encouraging to be able to tick things off of the list. As the smallest tasks can make the biggest difference. The final piece within the box was two matchboxes which at first confused me until I found the pieces of paper which came with the boxes and it has all of the steps and even the background to create an adorable matchbox scene. Claire also included a tube of glitter glue, which is pretty smart as I am forever forgetting things I need for baking/art, but everything is right in front of you to be able to create a masterpiece. The concept behind the matchboxes is simple, but they look amazing and different to anything you'd usually find in a subscription box. This box is perfect for just about anyone, but as an adult, I found it a great break from the real world (and technology) and I enjoyed using all of the pieces in the box.  

If you're interested in getting your own hands on one of the Sherbet Lane boxes, Claire has provided an amazing discount code of 25% off your first box by using code 'FIRSTSB', so you'd be pretty mad not to make the most of it!

**This box was kindly gifted to me, but all thoughts are my own and I am totally in love with happy mail Claire creates each month!

Tips for creating the best chocolate apples.

Chocolate apples are one of my favourite treats around Halloween. Not only are they easy to make, but they're also cheap to make too. Oh, and they taste pretty good. I have to admit, it does ease some of the guilt of all of the Halloween treats everywhere, knowing under the chocolate is an apple. I decided to share my tips for creating the best chocolate apples, as last year it took me two attempts to make the 'perfect' chocolate apple. So I thought I'd share with some tips I've picked up along the way and hope you enjoy making some of your own chocolate apples. 

*Any toppings go, with chocolate apples the world is your oyster, you can cover them in pretty much anything and everything you want. I went for a lot of honeycomb bites this, mini marshmallows are good and we even decided to put some chilli in the chocolate for one them. Dependant on who you are making them for you can vary the toppings. I decided to go for a spooky theme this year instead of a more colourful theme like last year. 

*Roll them in chocolate instead of pouring it on top, it tends to give a better coverage, as last year I tried to spoon the chocolate on and it was just a mess, don't even get me started on my attempt of caramel apples.

*Use lollipop sticks instead of the cake pop sticks, as they're so much cheaper and you can get a variety of colours making them even more fun.

*You have to be quick when making chocolate apples, as they set quite quickly. It is important to let them set a little once you've put the chocolate on them whilst doing the others, but get the toppings on as much as you can do before they set. 

*Pick the 'right' type of apple, I've tried these with other apples and none of them compares to Granny Smith, in my opinion, I think it's because they're so bitter, they compliment the chocolate. 

*Be creative with it, I would say that making chocolate apples perfect isn't something you need to do, so it's great to have fun with and chuck whatever you want over the top of them.

Do you like chocolate apples? 

Me, Myself & I. {AD}

2018 has actually been a year where I've noticed a huge amount of growth in myself, unfortunately not height wise *forever stuck at 5'3* but with my confidence. I've found myself doing things I wouldn't have done before, wearing clothes I'd of once felt I wasn't pretty enough to wear, speaking to new people and feeling more confident in myself as a whole. This for me is a huge win, from making new friends, staying at my job for 18 months, trying new styles of clothing and even wearing colour, going out more with friends and even feeling like my social skills are somewhat improving. 

  For me, since I can remember I have always been afraid, afraid of just about everything. Leaving my mum at the school gate, to doing my work experience in year 10. To leave my hometown and visit anywhere else. Going to pubs, clubs and even blogger events. I even have a phobia of most foods, including the texture of meat and anything that has seeds. 

Growing up, I always knew I was different. I found it hard to make friends, and I didn't know how to act around new people. Doing sports at school made me scared in case I would fall, and it wasn't the phobia of falling and hurting myself, it was the phobia of what people would do, would they laugh? would they act like didn't happen or would they come and help me. I would forever play out each of the scenarios in my head and it consumed my life. Despite having various types of therapy, I wasn't ever sure how to overcome my struggles.  

I would write stories, and I always would be the shy girl, the underdog who just needed her chance to shine, and it felt like this was me my entire life growing up. I would want to be one of the 'popular' people and always fell short. I forever dreamed of being an author, I would spend hours of my time, drafting all of these stories, especially after reading book after book where the uncool girl became the one everyone wanted to be friends with. 

Being different for me in my teenage years was something I found hard, I wanted to belong somewhere where I wasn't alone. I tried to change myself so much but it wasn't the answer, even as an adult up until recently, I thought I needed to fit in. 2018, has been the year where I've stopped caring what people think of me, I am that girl who has bright coloured hair, a yellow raincoat on and the brightest doc martens. Weirdly, now after hating who I am for the majority of my life, I feel somewhat more confident in who I have become.

"Be proud of how you see yourself, rather than ashamed of how others see you."

There are people everywhere, and I wish I had understood this growing up. The people who are around you now, are unlikely to be around forever. Things change, people change and the world changes. Some friendships last, sadly others don't. You learn who your real friends are and those who aren't. You only need to live for you, and that's the huge thing in life a lot of people don't realise, myself included

Learning, that living with a mental illness doesn't make me any less worth happiness, and that my moods are something that sometimes I cannot control. I didn't choose this illness, in fact, it chose me. I come with my quirks but that's just what makes me, well yano, me. 

My goals for 2019 are to work on my confidence even further, this includes facing the things that make me 'hate' myself, as opposed to loving myself. Keep making steps in the right direction and continue being me.