An Open Letter To My Bullies.

Dear Bullies,

It's been five years since we left school but the torment you endured upon me still follow me around every single day. The names, the way you would laugh at my 'hairy' arms, the way you would take it in turns to ask me out and have a laugh all of it is still vivid in my memory. I hated going to school because of you, I would pretend I was sick so many days so I wouldn't have to face the torment that was going on when I would enter that classroom or at lunch. Many nights I would spend crying over these horrible imperfections about myself that I could never fix, whether that be my nose, my acne, my skinny figure or even my hairy arms. 

I couldn't change those things you wanted me to, I couldn't be one of the popular ones because I was too lame, didn't like getting into trouble and found it hard to talk to new people. I would get ridiculed because I was quiet, but when I finally spoke up this made it all the worse. To teach me a lesson you drew my picture on the whiteboard during lunch and made it so ugly everyone couldn't help but laugh at. To this day I can still picture that image on that whiteboard, something that probably left your memory just hours after it happened. I'm sure you'll be pleased to know I now suffer from PTSD, which means I struggle just being in a large crowd of people, I hate looking in the mirror because I just imagine the horrible image of myself which you made me believe.

When I look in the mirror and I am having a bad day, I will remember all of those words and the way I feel about myself is a way nobody should ever feel about themselves but that was all down to you. The rumours you would start to get people to shout in my face, call me names and push me still ring in my ears. Starting a rumour about a popular girl I'd never even heard of and saying I said horrible things about her wasn't fair, I hadn't even heard of before that day. A whole school tormenting you for being ugly because you started a 'rumour' about a beautiful girl is not something anybody wants to happen to them. I spent most of my school days with my friends on the benches behind the language block, I felt safe. As safe as I could at that hell hole, others refer to as school. I would see so many people making friends but I knew I was different; my mental illness began at such a young age, I always felt like an outsider. I would go and spend hours punishing myself for not being good enough and not being the popular girl. Why couldn't I be blonde? why couldn't I be confident? why do I have acne?

The day I left school honestly was the best day of my life, I no longer had to deal with the evil torment which was given to me most days for 5 years. I went to college and my life CHANGED, people wanted to know me, people gave me the confidence and the love I was craving and I can say it changed my life. Even though it has been 5 years, I am still weak and have such a low opinion of myself and I am not sure that will ever change. I just have one more thing to say before I sign this letter. I hope you feel good for all of the hurt you inflicted on me, I hope it was worth it.

Love Olivia

Alternative Phone Case Wishlist | Fashion

Hi all, I  hope you're doing fab today! Today I am bringing you a long overdue post, all about my love for phone cases. I own a massive amount of phone cases and I am forever buying new ones; I thought it would be amazing to share with you some of my picks and also where to buy them from. I do buy a large amount of my cases on Ali Express as they are a LOT cheaper. But when I fancy a splurge I go into these places or order them online. I just wanted to point out that my taste is quite 'out there' with phone cases, these are not for the faint hearted. My phone is an Iphone 6 so all of the cases in this post will be for that; but you are probably able to get them for different phones too!

Leftovers Case is from Skinny Dip. 
Cats don't give a f*ck is from Ohh Deer.
Already dead case is from Attitude Clothing
Chill Pills is from Attitude Clothing
Old school phone case is from Dolls Kill
Cold bitch brew is from Valfre  

Which is your favourite case? 

Sincerely Yogurt, Pittsburgh | Travel

If you follow me on Twitter you may be aware that I recently visited Pittsburgh in America, and whilst I was there I ate a lot of food and fell seriously in love with this little frozen yogurt shop down the road called Sincerely Yogurt, I took some pictures which I thought I would share with you lot! If you are interested in visiting a Sincerely Yogurt for yourself they are scattered around the States so hopefully you can find one where you live/ go to visit. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was the amount of different frozen yogurt flavours there were from cake batter to white chocolate they have it all, second thing I noticed was the HUGE amount of toppings including a variety of sweets, fruit and even cookie dough... massive win. The only thing I dislike about the place is that it weighed based on weight which does make sense as you can add as many toppings as you like but I feel like it would be better if they were based on the different sizes on the cups instead as you have no idea what the weight is going to be. I got the hang of it by the end of the week and was using the dividers and everything, so it was less than $5 on my last trip as opposed to the $8 at the start of the trip oops. 

Most of the time I went for cake batter and mint choc chip and then covered them in tons of sweets such as swedish fish, gummy bears and nerds as well as different types of cookie dough and then topped it off with hot fudge sauce, honestly tastes so good. Although with all of the toppings on frozen yogurt isn't as healthy as it could be but with fruit it is a good healthy alternative to ice cream and the shop also offers sorbet and a range of smoothies. I would love to visit somewhere like this in the UK so if anyone knows of any places like this, feel free to tell me! 

Have you visited Sincerely Yogurt before? 

When Is It Time For A Friendship Break Up? | Lifestyle

Break ups hurt no matter who they are with. It hurts knowing you once trusted that person with so much and now they wont even say hi to you in the street. In my years as a teenager I always believed my friends were there for me no matter what, in years to come we will still spend hours laughing and crying together. Reality hit, that didn't happen at all. I don't speak to anyone from school, and the cruel reality of that is life doesn't always go the way you want it to, and actually people can be really shitty. People fall out of love with each other whether that is friendship or love. It hurts so much when a friend walks out on your life so easily, just like a break up it makes you wonder why you were never good enough. Spending weeks, months even years wondering what you did wrong, just like a relationship you probably won't get the answers. It took me a long time and I am still coming to terms with the fact that maybe I just open myself up to crap people and they just let me down so much that 'breaking up' was the only way.

It has taken me until 21 to realise it is actually okay to stop being friends with someone if they treat you bad, even if you have 10 years of history. People change, some grow together and some grow apart. I feel like I have felt this far too much, I put so much out there that when it comes to it; that person isn't willing to catch me. I am still like this now but I am more wary of people and their intentions. I am forever wondering what people do to make friends for life and why I always seem to not be good enough for that. One day I hope I make a friend who will stick by me through thick and thin as I am not sure I have found that; maybe I never will. Who knows. It is important to remember if someone is treating you bad that you don't ever have to stand for that, you are worth more. I didn't know until recently that a lot more people than you realise go through this.

If you are ever struggling to decide whether it is worth staying friends with someone just think about the last time they put the effort in to see/speak to you, and if it is always a one sided friendship. Then I'd totally recommend walking away. If you do find a good friend who has your back and is there for you through it all, hold on to them with both hands, you do not know how lucky you are.

Shop My Style #5 Gym Wear Edition | Fashion

Good morning, afternoon or evening depending on where you are in the world. I hope you're having a fabulous day. Today I am back with another Shop my style post but with a twist; this time I am talking all about gym wear. I have recently gotten back into going into the gym and this always inspires me to buy new gym clothes including shoes which is a bit of an obsession of mine. I hope you enjoy this post, let me know what type of Shop My Style you'd like to see next. P.S. If you fancy checking out my last shop my style feature you can do here.

Top // Leggings // Bag // Bra //

Bra // Vest // Leggings 

What is you favourite gym wear item to buy? 

Sephora and Ulta Haul | Beauty

Back in August I visited America for the third time and I was super excited to do so, in the run up of going to America I knew after previous visits I needed to save so I had more funds to buy the stuff I wanted (mostly make-up) I spent about half of my money in Sephora and Ulta which combined I spent around 300-400 dollars. I am always wishing we had their brands readily available in the UK so I was happy to pick up some bits I've wanted for a while. I hope you enjoy this haul and I will be posting a drugstore haul to follow. I just wanted to say I did purchase other bits from both of the stores but just decided to feature the bigger bits like palettes. I did purchase the current lip must haves kit from Sephora and some other minis from by the till. 

Sephora and Ulta Haul

Buxom Palette:
I have to admit this was definitely an impulse buy, but after I saw in Ulta that you can create your own palette for $40 with 6 shades and the palette included I was totally down. Ulta had a huge range of shades to go for, my sister went for a lot more nude shades whereas I went all out going for the brightest four along with two more toned down shades. I had never seen an orange eyeshadow like that before so I knew that it had to be mine. I love the blue and the pink to experiment with and the purple tied them all together. 

Buxom Custom Palette

Becca Highlighter:
Since my Hourglass highlight is running out I decided it was time to invest in a new one, I was tempted to repurchase the Hourglass one which I had previously but I thought I'd go for a completely new one. I fell in love with Moonstone but they seemed to only have Pearl and Opal everywhere so I was about to cut my losses and get Pearl but then I saw it in amongst the others in the final Ulta store I visited! I love the packaging and the overall look of the product and it does great things to my finished look.

Becca Moonstone Powder

Kat Von D Liquid Lipstick:
I've wanted to try the Kat Von D liquid lipsticks for so long and was planning on stocking up on them whilst I was in the States until I found out they are actually coming to the UK (pointless stocking up then) so I decided I would just purchase one in the shade Berlin and I plan on getting plenty more when they're in Debenhams (When this post is live I am assuming they will already be launched). 

Kat Von D Tattoo Liner:
I have tried this eyeliner SO many times and I will forever rave about it, the tip of the liner is amazing for precise application, the colour is always dark and lasts for hours and hours. Another must have product from Kat Von D. Will now be my go to liner. 

Sephora and Ulta haul boxes

Tarte Tease Palette:
I have forever wanted to try Tarte and Sephora finally enabled me to do so, I was curious about their eyeshadows as the palettes always look SO good. I decided I would get the Tease palette as I've got so many neutral eyeshadows. The palette I believe was around the $22 mark which is a pretty good steal for six gorgeous shadows. I can't wait for the autumn to fully hit so I can create some smokey eyed looks!

Tarte Tease Palette

Tarte Rain Forrest Of The Sea Foundation: 
When in Sephora I was totally lost with the amount of foundations that they had to choose from, I ended up asking to be matched and was given a skin consolation. They asked if I had any preferences of foundation and I was curious about the Kat Von D lock it foundation but decided to let the lady pick for me. Funnily enough she brought the Kat Von D one out along with the Tarte Rain Forrest Of The Sea one, I wasn't overwhelmed by the Kat Von D foundation, in fact I was completely underwhelmed which to me was super disappointing and I couldn't believe the light weight feel of this foundation along with the fabulous coverage. I totally had to buy it, of course. 

Tarte Rain Forrest Of The Sea Foundation

 I hope you enjoyed this Sephora and Ulta haul! 

I have a mental illness, BUT I am not mental. | Lets Talk

Happy Wednesday y'all, how are we doing? Today I am bringing you a post which is super personal to my own heart and I hope that some of you find comfort in this post. I decided to write this post due to the amount of stigma which still surrounds mental illness, and I want that to change.  I am going to crack straight into this post or I don't think I ever will.

I will never forget the time I told one my close friends I was suffering with a mental illness, she looked at me like I was well and truly insane and from that day on she began to distance herself from me. I will forever wonder what she actually thought I may do to her because I suffer with an illness. I mean it is not like it is contagious, but the way people act around mentally ill people sometimes you wonder if people think it is. The other thing that worries me about the reaction to people finding out I have a mental illness is the fact they feel like they need to check on me all of the time, like I am fragile and that I will burst into tears at any given moment, when the reality is it isn't like that at all. Suffering with depression isn't all about crying all of the time and feeling down there is a lot more to it than meets the eye. People with depression aren't always hiding underneath that they feel weak, a lot of the time depression suffers can be happy just as much as the next person. There is just an underline problem which effects them in ways which other people do not understand.

With anxiety, I am not just going to have a panic attack everytime we visit somewhere which has a large amount of people or because I have to place an order at Mcdonalds, everybody has their triggers with anxiety which is a given but often it is not what it seems again; like depression. Anxiety isn't just oh I feel a bit worried today, oh I am anxious. It's the crippling pains in your stomach and the constant thoughts of bad things that may happen, it is the fear for days, weeks, or even months before a particular event happens. It takes over your mind and your life in ways which people who have never suffered wont understand. People with anxiety aren't all reserved and shy, people can be confident and outspoken and still suffer in silence. I think people are too quick to judge where anxiety is concerned; I mean she's hanging around in a group of people in a busy bar. She CAN'T have anxiety. It doesn't actually work like that at all.

Granted people who have suffered with illnesses can feel fragile at times, and often insane in their own minds; but that is up to them to feel that way. It is not okay to tell somebody how they should be feeling. "OH you have depression, why aren't you crying?" That's totally not okay. I may suffer with an illness that you cannot see but I am stronger than you'll ever imagine and I am not going to crack.

New From Urban Decay | Beauty

I have to say this before anything in this post, Urban Decay are on FIRE with their amazing new launches this year, and they keep coming! If you've read my blog before you'll know I am a HUGE Urban Decay fan and I am so in love with all of their fab products, from their whole NEW lipstick collection (if you don't know about this, Urban Decay completely scrapped their old lipsticks and relaunched 100 brand new shades) as well as many new palettes this year including the Alice In Wonderland Palette, Vice Reloaded and soon a brand new naked palette! I am super lucky to be on the press list for Urban Decay and get a lot of their new releases sent to my door. I have been sent a few new ones lately and you guys need to hear about them because they are some seriously amazing pieces that you need in your collection. 

All Nighter Foundation:
As soon as I heard about this foundation I was excited, every foundation I've tried from Urban Decay in the past has been a massive hit and I knew this one would be no different. I was also super excited to find out the collection has 24 shades which is great as a lot of collections have no more than 10 and it is a nightmare trying to find anywhere near a match. The bottle of the foundation drew me in as it exquisite and also very unique. I saw this foundation when I was in the states and sure enough a few days later I was asked to pick some shades to try as they were being sent over to me *squeal*. First things first the coverage of this foundation is insane; you seriously only need the tiniest bit for full coverage, compared to other foundations I do find myself using a lot less. The price of this foundation at £27 is great compared to some other high end foundations, and for the amount of uses you will get out of this foundation it is spot on.  It is a long lasting foundation which gives you amazing courage for hours on end and perfect to party the night away. I have found it great to wear whilst the weather is hot and not too full on or cakey, it gives me the flawless finish I have been looking for. Urban Decay say the foundation is a modern matte. 

All Nighter Foundation Urban Decay

Moondust Palette:
I was overjoyed when I saw this palette had arrived on my doorstep last month, I had heard a lot about it during the run up release and I knew I needed these shades in my life. 8 vibrant and intense shades that everyone needs in their make-up collection. I warn you now this isn't a palette for the faint hearted, it's for those looking for a challenge and daring to go bold. The 8 shades in this palette are; Specter, Element, Magnetic, Lightyear, Granite, Lithium, Vega and Galaxy. Element, Magnetic and Vega are my firm favourites in this palette and will be amazing to work with during the holiday season. The palette costs £35 which is a lot for a palette which isn't for everyday use but still worth the money in my opinion. 

Urban Decay Moondust Palette
Urban Decay Moondust Palette

Naked Skin Colour Correcting Concealers: 
This was a release I hadn't heard much about but was super excited when they arrived for me to try, the three which I was given to try are Lavender, Yellow and Pink. I didn't know much about colour correcting until me and my friend decide to look into recently. I have started to use a green concealer to cover up the redness my acne causes on my face. I read that Lavender is for balancing out skin with a yellow undertone as well as sorting out sallowness, Pink is for dark circles and I am in serious need of this as my under eyes ALWAYS seem to be dark (I tried it and it looks SO good and brings another level of brightness to my eyes) and finally Yellow is for brightening lacklustre complexions as well purple circles. For anybody who is struggling with any imperfections their face may bring this collection may just be what you are looking for! 

Urban Decay Naked Skin

Naked Skin

Naked Skin