Category: lets talk
Showing posts with label lets talk. Show all posts

Ghosted by my friend.

" Ghosting: the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication." 

Something most of us have experienced in our lives, whether we've put a name to the experience or just moved on, we've all had people excuse themselves from our lives without a trace. Sometimes, this can be friends who you just aren't that close to anymore, and you both just stop talking, from that last message which was left unread. Ghosting usually by people we are dating. Like they disappear without a trace from your life, they no longer reply to your Facebook messages, Snapchats or calls. They don't want to know you anymore. Which when you think about it, it's such a sad thing to happen. They don't tell you why which often leaves the question lingering of what did I do? Did I do something wrong, did they not feel the same anymore or are they just taking a break away? The mind does the strangest of things in these situations. I know mine does for sure. 

"Friends can break your heart too" 

Since I've been in a long time (healthy) relationship, I haven't had to experience ghosting for a while, however, it happened to me a lot when I was single. More times than I can even count, most people online end up meeting someone else and instead of saying this they bail out. Or they never liked you in the first place, but it's hard to know what really happened. It's sad but it's a part of dating and most of us get over it pretty quickly. Brush off that slight bit of hurt from being rejected in a way and get back on the metaphorical horse. 

But what about those people who aren't just people we met on the internet or in the bar. What about those who have held your hand through thick and thin. Those who know your deepest secrets and who you trusted when everyone else was being shitty. Your partner in crime, the person who got your weird sense of humour and you got theirs. The truth of the matter is, it happens and it sucks. 

When your friend doesn't answer your calls, they stop replying to your Facebook messages, they leave your Snapchat messages on read and they don't want to speak to you anymore. Even in real life when you see them, they act like they've never met you. They look the other way or at their phone and make you wonder what you did to them to make them so mad. Why they no longer wanted to be your favourite person anymore, and instead they'd rather distance themselves from you. In ways, it hurts more than any of the relationships could, as they have been a constant in your life for so long and know your innermost thoughts about being hurt like this. 

"From friends to strangers with memories"

To this day the friends who have ghosted me have not gotten back in contact. They sometimes read my messages on Facebook and then never reply. Or they leave me on unread forever, despite them posting on other platforms. As a person who feels guilty for everyone I upset for ageeees, to not know what I've done to be unable to make things right is one of the hardest things for me. I would never go out of my way to upset anyone, that's just not me. I always want to be the best person I can for my friends and I wouldn't want to be anyone else but that. 

They say when you step back and look at a situation, you see it in a whole new light and this appears to be what has happened here. I took a look at the friendship we shared and realised it was toxic at times and no matter what I did or said, it was never any better, I couldn't fix a friendship with someone who didn't want it to be fixed. But despite being heartbroken that you are no longer my friend, in ways, I am grateful as I feel like I can breathe, breathe again after months of not realising how much I felt like I was drowning beside 'you'. Maybe our friendship wasn't meant to be, maybe I didn't know you as well as I thought. Sitting here deep in thought, makes me wonder, will we ever be friends again? 

... even though, I know the answer will be no. 

Changing my name, years 4 on: the truth, confusion and hello Olivia.

It's been four whole years since I took the *giant* step of changing my name by deed poll. Not my surname or middle name, I went all out and changed my first and middle name. It's always a great fact during those 'introduce yourself' exercises at new jobs. A lot of the time, people don't believe it is something that I've actually done and if they do, they want to know why. The honest truth? I changed my name because I wanted to. Some people outgrow their job, friends and even their relationship and I felt like that was the same for me with my name. Things happened during the time of me having my old name and to me, it felt like the best way to start over. Obviously, this didn't happen overnight as much as I'd of liked it too. 

If only there was a way to start over like The Sims, right? But it did feel like I had another chance to create who I was going to be. 

When it came making the decision regarding a name change for me, it was something that had been in my mind for years, but I never actually knew how simple it would be. I'd heard it was about going to the court and spending £1000s on this process when really it is as simple as finding a company who do this online. I searched reviews on the internet until I found a site I was happy with and then it came to choosing the name. I wrote a list of names I liked on a piece of paper, then separated them into two columns. Ones which would work as a first name and then also a middle name. I wanted to keep a middle name but at first considered double barreling it. I considered so many names and combinations and kept saying the names out loud and looking at myself in the mirror. As weird as that sounds, I feel like it helped me to decide which one I wanted for myself. 

There were so many names which I wanted but they weren't me. I liked Daisy, Poppy and Jade. I felt like I wasn't 'cool enough' to go with the names Daisy or Poppy, as they felt so different from my name. I loved Jade but not as a first name, for some reason I wanted it as my middle name. So I decided Jade was going to be my new middle name. But finding the first name to match proved even more difficult. The first name had to be something I could shorten or just a short name in general. I decided I liked Liv, however, I decided I needed to go down the lines of Olivia, as it went with my middle name better than Liv Jade, which doesn't go imo. 

Once my deeds came through, it was such a surreal feeling. I was waiting for around 9 days for them to arrive, every day even though I knew they wouldn't have arrived yet, I kept checking and hoping. I wanted to keep the name thing on the 'down low' until the deeds arrived, in case the site was dodgy or I changed my mind. When they came I knew I'd made the right choice. Being a millennial, I took to Facebook to share my news, so I didn't have to explain it over and over to people. I was greeted with questions of why, how and then why some more which is to be expected. I know that some people who commented were curious about the change and how it works, others were just shocked by it and didn't understand why I would do that when I already had a name which was 'fine'. Then there was the group of people who I appreciate the most who didn't question why they just accepted it and tried their hardest to remember my new name. 

It's taken almost four years, but I hardly ever get called the wrong name anymore by my family or friends. It's bizarre sitting here four years later and knowing that I made the right choice. It gave me a sense of power which I felt like I lacked previously. With my mental illnesses, I felt like I didn't have a lot of control over who I was as a person, but this change gave me some of that power back. I am yet to decide if it makes me brave to change the name you've always known or if it was just a weird thing I decided to one day. I feel like it has taken my family a while adjust as it feels like such a rebellious thing to do. Especially when talking to your friends, for my mum and grandma I guess they found it hard when their friends were talking about their children's achievements and my mum got to share what I'd done. It felt like when she was telling them about me dying my hair or that I had gotten a tattoo but this somehow seemed more permanent. 

Four years on, I don't regret my choice, in fact, I often forget I was even born with/ had a different name for 20 years. For those of you who are considering changing any part of your name, I'd recommend doing so, especially if is the process and the money behind it which is a huge part as to why it hasn't been done yet. I believe in total mine cost me £40 and if I'd of known this, I would have done it sooner. Since my first post, I've had more people than I could have imagined asking me about the process, and it's great to be able to tell my story about it with you guys and beyond. Thanks for listening to my ramble and if you'd like to read my first post about me changing my name, feel free to check it out here. *It's pretty cringe though* so prepare yourselves for that! 

I'd love for you guys to ask me any questions you want to know about changing your name in the comments and if any of you have changed your name tell me about it! 

New Year, New Me? | Lets Talk

It's me, Olivia. I am back. In case you've forgotten who I am, it's been a while. I lost all of my willpower to blog, I started to hate my photos, my content and I couldn't even face logging in to Twitter. I went through something similar back in 2014 and I gave up blogging for a few months and I didn't want this break to get that bad so I knew as soon as it started to feel like something I 'had' to do instead of what I wanted to do, I took time away and now I feel ready to come back. I apologise to you lot for the content I put out over the last couple of months because it hasn't been my best, but I am going to keep trying to bring you new and fresher content. I plan on having a re-brand over the next few weeks so prepare yourselves for that. It will still be the same Dungarees & Donuts name which you've all gotten to know and love just more of me, I started my blog when I was still in college and I've grown a lot as a person since then. I love to blog about lifestyle and beauty, but I want more for my space on the internet, as you all know I am a huge advocate of mental health and taboo subjects and I want to keep talking about them, I want to keep breaking down the stigma and I will continue to do that. Dungarees & Donuts has always been my space where I can talk about what I want and nobody really has a say about what I can/can't write. I hope when I finally get my plans into motion you all enjoy what I have to offer. For the time being I plan on only putting out one or two posts a week because 3-5 can be seriously soul destroying and they do say less is more.

As far as me as a person goes, I am not one for the whole new year, new me stuff. But I am hoping to make 2017 a year I am proud of. I have been struggling with my mental health over the last few months more than I like to admit, I've been struggling to do anything other than get out of bed at a stupid time, go into work on some days, I am not enjoying who I've become. I feel like I am a shell of the person I was a few years back, but in other ways I feel stronger and ready to take on the world. I am ready to take the time to get better and work on myself. Later this month I will have finished with my university course and I will finally be able to take the time I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm sure that will come with time though *I hope* 

My final request is something along the lines of let me know what you want to see more of on my blog and how I can improve, I want to keep progressing and making my blog the best it can be!

Over and out, 
Love Olivia!
(I have not signed out of a blog post in a long time!)

I've Changed | Lets Talk

In August marked my three year blogging anniversary and apart from my blogging break back in 2013 I've been pretty consistent with posting the entire time. Which originally started as 1 day a week, them went up to 4 and is now at a happy balance of three days a week with an occasional four. It's been three years and in those three years I've done a lot of growing up and I've changed a lot, my blog once was about beauty and occasionally random posts and it is now SO much more than that. I've used my own mental health journey and shared that on the internet, along with talking about subjects such as my own relationships and break ups, I've reached out to others on the internet and I will say that relationships are hard, but if you're struggling in yours it doesn't need to be the end. Although I didn't know this at the time, you can do things such as couples councelling online or even on your own, it is something worth looking into. I talk about my own personal struggles and illness as well as talking about other illnesses and trying to break the stigma on many things. My blog is a lifestyle blog, with a side of real talk and some food, fashion and beauty thrown in. I realise when some of my readers started to follow my blog many months ago, they didn't follow it for the real talk, but it is something that is important to me, so it's here to stay. I've changed as a person, I've gone from being a very shy and confused 17 year old to a brave, open and fun 21 year old who just about makes it through each day. But throughout everything my blog is something that has been a constant in my life, and I love you guys for that. You give me a purpose to keep writing on the internet. Whether this is the first time you've ever read a post of mine or you read my blog every week, I just wanted to say thanks.

When I started blogging, I thought it would last as long as my other hobbies (a few months) but there is something SO different about blogging, whether that's the sense of community I always find myself in when I come online or the fun of having my OWN space on the internet. I love blogging and for the foreseeable I don't see myself stopping. I have bad days with blogging where I will sit in front of a screen and write the same three lines over and over and end up closing the computer down and stepping away in frustration. But I'll also have days where I can write post after post to the point where I have 20+ posts scheduled and that feels so damn good. I've met friends through blogging who I would never of met without it. I've been given fantastic opportunities which I could of only have imagined before. I even earn enough money to be able to afford to live from blogging and my part time job. When I sat in college all of those years ago and asked my best friend to help me think of a name for my blog on the internet, Dungarees & Donuts was just a silly idea which turned into my own brand. I now live and breathe Dungarees & Donuts, it's more than just a diary online. It's my website, my brand and it's a massive part of me and without that part I'd be lost.

I've had friendships that have lasted less time than my blog, I've had a relationships end, I've realised so many different things about myself that I didn't know before my journey started. I've gained weight, I've moved out. So many things have changed but the one thing which has stayed the same is my space online to be me and I am so happy for that.

Thank you for everyone who has stuck by me throughout the last three years, I couldn't imagine my life right now if it wasn't for you, so thank you!

Moving out, one year (and a bit) on! | Lets Talk

It's been well over a year now since I moved out of home, I have spent almost a year in a student house with some of my friends! There are so many things you take for granted living at home so I thought I'd share a little bit of a post about what I have learnt. It is a bit of a different post to my usual 'lets talk' styled posts but as it is something we all go through I thought it might be interesting to share with you all. I would love to know in the comments what age you moved out of home!

Food is damn expensive: 
Right up until I moved out I would often do the weekly shop with my mum (much to her dismay) and I would chuck stuff in the trolley left, right and centre and she would go mental about the prices of food. At the time I'd sort of shrug it off, but now I am the one paying for the shopping I am a lot more conscious of what I buy. Soz mum.

Heating and drying cost a bomb: 
Who knew how expensive it is to have the heating on?! I mean am a REALLY hot person and sleep with a fan on pretty much 365 days a year. But on occasion I want the heating on and Luke always wants it on, and in our student house it was on a lot of the time and that bill was expensive. Using a dryer is also MEGA expensive, but I am not one for a washing line (lazy life, hey I am still a student) so I am forever popping the dryer on.

There was a reason my mum moaned about lights: 
I used to get SO annoyed about the amount my mum moaned about electric bills and the lights being left on, and don't even get me started on the amount of times she said "I didn't know we were at Blackpool illuminations" but to be fair... she did have a point.

Cleaning your house: 
The strange thing about me is the weird jobs around the house that no-one likes to do I actually kind of enjoy, like cleaning the bathroom and doing the washing. Weird right? But the stuff I hate like doing the washing up and just general cleaning will get left until I do it myself. I spend so much time cleaning I didn't even think about the amount of stuff there is to do in the house.

One thing I’ve found useful, is to put clutter away into plastic storage crates and hide them under the bed. You can buy them online and in most homeware stores. Less clutter = less dusting.

I miss a dishwasher: 
In my new house, the kitchen is SO small there is literally NO room for a dishwasher *sobs* so I have to wash everything by hand, I miss the days of oh lets just pop it in the dishwasher and then take it out to use, one day I will get you back Dishwasher!

What do you miss most about living at home? 

The End Of An Era l Lets Talk

Hi all, how are we doing? I am back on a Wednesday with a lets talk post! I am trying to get back into the swing of things blog wise because lately I have been all of the place with my blog and I am hoping this post shares a little bit more into why. Back at the start of November I decided to end my two year relationship, I made that call but it doesn't make it any easier to do so. Any form of a serious relationship I've been in, I seem to bail out of it. I always seem to settle and never be truly happy. The person who I was in a relationship with was someone I would of considered my best friend. We spent all of our time together, but for months something didn't feel right. I kept trying to push it to the back of my mind, but it wasn't going away and I knew the only way to stop the way I was feeling was to end it. It's been a couple of months now, but things have come to light which I've found are more important, like getting myself better, also I have been focusing on spending more time with my friends and being young. There is no need to stay in a relationship when you're so unhappy, you can do better. For a while I felt like I was staying because it made me comfortable and that is not a reason to stay with someone.

Breaking up with someone as an adult is so much more complicated than when you're younger, for starters there is living together, me and my ex signed a tenancy agreement which we are both stuck in a for a few months yet, luckily for us we have a spare room downstairs so it's easy to deal with living together. But when things are worth trying to fix, it's worth looking into the pros and cons of couples therapy, you can read more about this over at

Now although things didn't work out between me and my ex, I am back on dating websites like Tinder (if you can count that), I am not sure what I want at the moment, and that is okay. If I find someone then great, if I don't then that is okay too. But the main point of this post is just to let you guys know, I am still here and although my Twitter presence and blog posts are lacking a lot at the moment I hope to find myself and get back into blogging and be a better version of me soon. I just wanted to thank you all again for your constant support and being there for me.

2017 is gonna be my year!

*Collaborative Post 

Weight, Where Is The Middle Ground? *TW* | Lets Talk

It's another night where I am sat up at midnight writing a post about my life which lets face it you lot probably don't want to read but I can't help myself. Over this last year opening up to you lot has become a weekly thing and I am just used to doing it now. I just wanted to add a little trigger warning at the start of this post as you know I usually do when I talk about certain issues. Today is a big one for me and it's one I've hardly spoken about on my blog but it is something I've pushed to the back of my mind and tried to pretend it doesn't exist. I can say throughout my life I've never had a healthy relationship with food when I was a teenager it was always a problem with never eating enough. I would forever be under eating, skipping meals and forcing myself to not eat to stay skinny. I am lucky it never became such a big deal because it could have been way worse for me.

But I know looking back at photos that was not a healthy relationship to have. It was after one of my exes left me I started to develop another problem with food but this time it was the other way. I found a new boyfriend and his family taught me that eating was good, in fact eating a lot was good. At first it was a good thing I was gaining weight. I needed to gain weight. But then I couldn't stop. Food became such a huge thing to me, I actually feel weird typing this out because to anyone who has never had these problems you'll probably think it is stupid but to me this is how it feels. I would literally panic if I didn't know when I was going to be able to eat next, I used to get depressed hanging out with people who didn't eat a lot because I didn't want to be judged. I could see myself getting bigger and being more unhappy with myself but it felt right to keep eating.

It wasn't until I was a little bit older when I started to notice a pattern in my eating, and it's only VERY recently that I've noticed my triggers. I would never eat a lot when I was happy, it would always be when I was stressed. I felt sad, I wanted to eat. I would eat SO much food until I felt sick but I couldn't stop. *I'm still dealing with these issues now so it's pretty raw stuff* I rely on food far too much and I am so glad it's finally something I am dealing with because I am worried for my health. I hate the way my body looks at the moment, I hate going shopping with people in case the clothes don't fit. I NEVER try them on in the changing room because when I realise I need to go up a dress size my day is ruined. The worst thing I feel like when it is an issue with food it always people telling you, OH just eat more or you know you could just stop eating. I don't think they realise it's not that simple, oh damn I wish it was. I know that my issues with food are not ok, it is not ok to be in this relationship anymore, like a toxic relationship; it is time to leave. I will forever want to go back to you but this has to be the way forward. It was in the last few weeks when I was seeing my doctor at his late night surgery that I told him, once I started I couldn't stop. He's getting me some support for this issue and I am lucky I have a doctor who understands so well. For now, I am looking at ways to deal with my relationship with food in a more healthy way and I am so proud of myself for dealing with it.

I hope this post as every other helped in someway, shape or form. 

10 Times I 'Won' At Life | Lets Talk

I am forever talking about important issues on my blog, which I love more than anything in the world and I will continue to do so. But today I decided I would share something different with my lovely readers on my blog and share 10 times that I 'won' at life. By winning at life I just mean 10 good things that have happened to me, I thought it would be cool to share something a bit more upbeat and hopefully you enjoy this post, I would love to know about the times you've won at life in the comments.

1. The time I got added to my FAVOURITE brands press list.
That's right, I get sent things for my blog from my favourite brand. Every time I get a package from them it feels like I am dreaming.

2. The time I got the shoes I've wanted for ages.
I looked for this particular pair of shoes all over the internet for weeks and someone finally put them on Ebay in my size for a MASSIVE fraction of what they were being sold at everywhere and the sender was super lovely.

3. The time I made a best friend.
It sounds so soppy, but this year I finally found someone who I can happily call my best friend, I could spend every single day with him and I wouldn't mind. He's made me so happy and I couldn't imagine life without him. We do so many fun things together and he's taught me it's okay to be a little weird.

4. The time I got a job.
If you had told me two years ago I would be able to go to work again and do things with my life I totally wouldn't of believed you, as somebody who once struggled to go out of the house, this is a HUGE change for me.

5. That time I made a blogger Whatsapp group.
Earlier this year I made a blogger whatsapp group which has been my life line through so many things, I couldn't imagine not having these lovely ladies in my life. Kim, Lalia, Sarah, Elena, Jess, Aoife and Georgina you are my life.

6.  That time I got the confidence to go out without makeup on!
This has been many times since, but the first time in about 5 years I managed to go out without makeup on this year, and it was a super huge step for me as I am so self conscious.

7. That time when I got 100 likes on my Instagram photo.
It feels SO good to hit 100 likes on my Instagram photos and although it probably doesn't seem a lot to some people to me it's a big deal. It's also super exciting that it keeps happening.

8. The time I got the right diagnosis of my mental health.
I was forever feeling like I was getting fobbed off by the doctors and not getting the right diagnosis for my illness, I was being given different medication after different medication and nothing was helping. Finally, I saw a doctor who got it and helped me get the right therapy and that changed my life. Getting a proper diagnosis is always super important. Some people think visiting a private health care professional helps, an example of this would be Harley Street Clinic at UCH. Finding someone who you get a long with is super important in mental health.

9. The time I moved into my own house.
I loved living in a student house for the company of my friends, but I wouldn't trade living with my boyfriend for anything. It is so much better for having my own space and chilling out.

10. The time I got my tattoo.
When I got my first tattoo it was so much more to me than just getting a tattoo, it was a step in my journey which changed my life. I am still super happy with it a year later.

*Collaborative Post 

6 Things About Moving Into Your Own Home | Lifestyle

A bit of a different post today, I thought I'd break up all of the Halloween stuff which has been going down on Dungarees & Donuts and feature something a little bit different. Most of you are probably aware if you follow me on Twitter, in July I moved into my own house and it is one of the best feelings in world. I thought I'd share some of my first thoughts, feelings and other stuff which you will go through when moving into your own house! P.S. it's okay to need help or feel like you're never going to be unpacked for a while. Just take a breath, you've got this!

1. Ikea will become your new best friend, I don't even say this lightly. Moving into a house is expensive especially when you have no furniture, can life be like The Sims please? Wouldn't mind a games machine and a new bed.

2. You will be unpacking for the next ten years, *ok more like 3 months* basically the same right?

3. You're gonna be so skint for a while, moving into your own house is the best feeling and also the worst. Waiting for the wages to come in each month seem to be further and further apart. It's okay to get some additional help for a while. Vivus are a short term lending solution and perfect for those who need to borrow a little bit of extra money until Payday (Only take what you can afford to pay back, of course!)

4. You'll develop your own ways. You know how when you live at home and your parents have their systems and ways of doing things? When you're younger you think they're just doing it to be annoying but you soon realise it's actually for a reason.

5. You can do what YOU want. A bath at 3am? Why the heck not. A whole room for your shoes, you can so do that. You can design your kitchen how you want it, you can make your house look and feel amazing.

6. Bills are crazy expensive! After living in a student house to moving into your own house which involves lots of bills including council tax *ouch* it sure does take some getting used to that's for sure.

What are your tips for people moving into their first home? 

*Collaborative Post

I Have Relapsed *TW* | Lets Talk

For someone who suffers with an addiction relapsing can be detrimental to your health as well as those around you. Whether the relapse is with food, drink, drugs or even something like self harm it is such a difficult thing to deal with. You've gone through the stages of coming to terms with the addiction to only fall back into old habits, it's such a disappointing and scary feeling. As someone who suffers with what can only be described as a need to hurt myself, it feels wrong when I've spent so long dealing with my demons and falling back into that habit that consumed your life once before. I used to self harm daily, I would take a blade to my wrist until it bled over and over. This was a dark period of my life, I felt very alone. It took many years but it got to the point where when I was upset the last thing I would think to do is self harm and I felt like I was finding more positive ways to deal with it.

Earlier this year, I found myself slowing falling back into that cycle and like quicksand it was impossible to get out, it started with the thoughts and slowly turned into making up any excuse I could to be alone and to take it out myself. For those of you who have never self harmed, please do anything but; because it may seem harmless at the time but it becomes something you use to cope. I was 14 years old when I first decided to self harm, my best friend at the time told me it was a way he used to cope and I thought it sounded like a simple way out, one time turned into something I did daily. I would take to Tumblr and search for self harm, depressing quotes, suicide and other things that I really should of realised would make it worse. It was addictive to search, seeing what others were going through, I wasn't alone. I would learn new techniques and different ways of hiding my self harm. It was my secret and that's what I wanted it to stay as. I would wear massive jumpers in the middle of summer, I would sleep in them, I would freak out in P.E when I was told we would need to wear polo shirts. My self harm became less of a secret and more of something people just thought I was a crazy person for. In 2014, I gave up self harm and I promised myself if I managed a whole year without self harm I could get a tattoo, a tattoo on my wrist which I used to draw blood from. The wrist is covered in scars, but I knew it felt right to get my tattoo. I felt so good that I was able to get this tattoo, I was sure I wouldn't need to self harm again.

I can't tell you what happened this year to make me need to self harm again, but something changed. I felt lonely, sad and like self harm would once again be my only escape. Although it is something which is a lot different to me than what it used to be and I am more in control of my urges, I am still learning my triggers. I recently took to Tumblr and ended up in a bad way and although the guidelines are so much stricter than what they used to be I could still feel myself, feeling the way I used to feel. I am writing this post as an escape and to share with you that if you relapse there are ways forward, we can deal with this together. I am here for you.

Numbers don't define me | Lets Talk

In my life at the moment especially with Summer arriving I am hearing a lot about weight, dress sizes and other things which relate to appearance. Being someone who has for the last five years struggled with the problems which weight offers, I will be the first to say if you are happy with your size, do not let anybody else tell you any differently. When shopping for clothes I've always noticed the crazy changes from sizes from shop to shop and to be honest why are we defined by a totally random number? In my opinion I've been as small as a 10 in one shop and a 16 in another. At least mens sizes are measured in inches, which makes a bit more sense compared to women's. I am quite honestly bored of being that number, my size is my size and I am happy with that. Whether you're a size 6 or a 26 there is no reason you shouldn't LOVE your body and if you are happy with who you are; then keep being happy, I am sure you look amazing! I hate that trying on a larger size in the clothes shop when something doesn't fit can often seem embarrassing but why should it? At the end of the day something as trivial as a number shouldn't let you feel down or sad about yourself.

It makes me mad and even sad that something as trivial as a clothing size or a number on a scale has such a big impact on our lives, you are you and you are not that number. Seeing the scales showing my biggest weight in my entire life did panic me and I felt disgusting for a while but to be honest why? Why does something like that ruin everything I have worked so hard on, trying to get my mental health back in order I don't see why I should even care. I also feel it is important to say when I was my lowest weight back in 2009 that was also seen as a problem so I can't really win. YOU are not your size and you look beautiful whatever size you are and however you feel comfortable you should accept yourself for that. I hate the idea of the media telling us how we should look, feel and act. We are humans at the end of the day and most humans gain and loose weight it is just natural. Different circumstances in your life lead to different weights, sizes and attitudes.

Being somebody has been a size 6, 8, 10, 12, 14 and now a 16 I can honestly say if you don't love yourself on the inside no matter how small you are you won't love yourself on the outside. On the other side of things if you ENJOY losing weight and that makes you happy that is what you should do, but if you don't want to and you don't care about it, don't let anybody ever tell you what to do, you be you and that's great. What this post has been about is me telling you, be happy with who you are and don't let something like a number inside of a dress define your mood, you are perfect the way you are.

Be The Change | Lets Talk

As you probably know by now, Wednesday is lets talk day on my blog (most of the time) as I love to talk about issues which I feel are important and be the change and end the stigma. Today is a little different as it's not mental health based, I am talking about breaking the barriers and changing lives for the better. This post is mainly focusing on the stigma which older people face on a daily basis and they totally shouldn't have to. I recently saw an amazing post called Breaking Barriers and it is about teaching older people new skills and changing their lives for the better. Some people assume that because people are 'old' they are pretty much worthless.

Working with all types of people at work, I know that because a person has reached a certain age it does not make them any less capable of achieving things and having a good life. The campaign Breaking Barriers is all about the older generation able to live older lives now because of better care and medication and why not have them learn new skills instead of stopping them living their lives? I personally think an age is just a number when it comes to life and somebody who is 35 is as capable as somebody who is 75. My Grandma is 70 and you'd never think it from the life she lives, she goes to work, she goes shopping with me and to the pub. I think being part of the older generation is making them more determined to live a fuller and fun life. I love the idea of helping people and that is what I will continue to do and I will help everyone that I can!

Remember we can all be the change. 

*In Collaboration With Seconds Matter & Breaking Barriers. 

Lets talk personal trainers | Lifestyle

Since the year new I've been attempting to loose weight, I joined the gym and for a while was eating better. But if you know me you'll know I am awful at sticking to anything especially when it comes to diets and regimes unless somebody is constantly on my back. For a while now I've been considering joining slimming world as well as getting my own personal trainer, and I've seen many people during their sessions in the gym and although it seems intense, I know they are getting the best work out as they are being told what to do by a professional. The idea of a personal workout which is tailored to your needs and goals seems a lot better than working on it by yourself (unless you know what you are doing, unlike me who does not). I have recently been speaking to a personal trainer called Keith who is the owner of Right Path Fitness about what a personal trainer does and what the benefits are having a PT instead of going it alone. Keith states that having a personal trainer is beneficial for many reasons including learning new exercises and skills, extra motivation (yep, I need that.) As well as quicker access to reaching your goals as you have someone tracking your progress and keeping you going.

Whilst looking into the idea of getting my own personal trainer I found that you can also get them online, which I suppose would make sense in a day and age where you can just about get everything online. I love the idea of having that support and still having the independence to go it alone whilst at the gym and not having that extra pressure on your back, although I am sure that is the point right? I love the idea of having someone monitoring my progress and keeping me on track when I want to give up. BUT as being someone who lacks motivation I am wondering if I need a personal trainer to keep going with my fitness journey? The only thing stopping me at the moment is the money side of things because as a student it can be hard to find the money for things like gym memberships and personal trainers, but maybe one day it will happen.

 I would love to know your opinions on personal trainers and whether you've had one before or if you currently do. 

*Sponsored Post

But she was asking for it *TW* | Lets Talk

*Please do not read this post if you are triggered by issues like rape and sexual abuse* 

Walking out the house in the evening wearing a short dress. fishnet tights and a pair of heeled boots seems fairly reasonable wouldn't you say? Oh and you're on your own. You walk into town by yourself, it's a warm summers day and you feel like dressing up and looking nice to go out and meet a friend that you haven't seen in a while. Whilst you're on your way a man in a car winds down his window and shouts, 'Nice arse love, I would' before whistling and driving off at full speed. You go into a bar and have a few drinks, you are having a great time and you feel good in yourself. You get chatted up at the bar by a random and you say you are having a catch up with a mate. He tells you that you look good, you smile and say thank you. He puts his arm around your waist and you tell him that you are not interested. He looks taken aback by this and tells you he didn't want you anyway and tells you that you are ugly.As he's walking away he mutters that you shouldn't dress like a tart if you don't want 'it'.

 You carry on talking to your mate like nothing has happened until it's time to leave, it's been three hours since you've seen the guy who tried to hit on you previously. You walk out of the bar, hug your mate goodbye and head your separate ways. You don't live far away so you decide to walk on your own again; only this time something is different. The guy who pestered you in the bar is actually following you home, you keep walking with your head down and call some friends and hope one of them will answer. In a matter of minutes the man catches up with you and says, 'you're not so mouthy are you now?' The rest is something which happens far too often; that something is rape. Perhaps it happens because of what you are wearing, or because you are alone and vulnerable so it's classed as a valid excuse to do so. A woman of any age, wearing any item of clothing should be able to walk around alone without feeling scared. But sadly that's not the case. 


You are at a party with some friends, you see somebody you haven't seen for a few years. They look amazing. You have a few drinks and pluck up the courage to speak to them again. You greet them and surprisingly they remember you. You find a seat together and start chatting and before long you find that you're actually kissing and you are enjoying it. He asks if you want to go upstairs, you nod and follow. You want to do this, he's the guy you've fancied since high school and you are excited that after all this time he finally wants you. You start to get into bed; you're kissing and you realise you've made a mistake. You sit up and tell him you can't do this. He presses his finger against your lip 'Ssshhhh' he says and ushers for you to keep going. By this point you are adamant you don't want to do anything. You tell him again, stammering that you can't do this. You can tell that he does't like hearing what you have to say and as you try to leave he pulls you closer. Just another case of rape which should never have happened. No means no. Always. 

It's a Friday evening and you and your boyfriend are lying in bed together watching a film. Your boyfriend turns to you and asks if you are 'up for it.' You tell him not tonight, you're too tired and really not feeling it. Your boyfriend seems a bit hacked off with this but seems to accept what you've said. Ten minutes pass and he asks again, this time touching your leg. Once again you say no, not tonight, and again he seems hacked off. This time he says 'but you're my girlfriend, we should be doing it, why are you saying no?' You turn and tell him that you love him but not tonight, you don't want it. He turns to you and tries to kiss you, he tells you that if you loved him you'd satisfy him. You're a little hesitant this time when you tell him no, you don't want to upset him. This time he seems angry in a way you've never seen him before. You're scared and you don't want to go through with it but you've never seen him like this before. You reluctantly agree and he says 'that's right, you should be trying to please me.' After it happens you feel ill, you feel scared and you feel violated. This person is your partner they do not have any right to do anything which you do not want. 

Rape is rape, no matter what you are wearing, whether you say yes and then change your mind, whether you are in relationship or walking home in the dark. Sex without consent is never ok. 

*Stories are made up, based on examples I've read online. 

Lets talk about being 18 | Lifestyle

I was sat bored in my room when I had a strike of inspiration and I thought it would make an amazing blog series, the idea of the series would be to share an age of my life with you and share the highs and lows and things I found out whilst I was that age *from the best of my memory* this was promoted by some super weird photos I found in my one drive and I thought you guys might enjoy it, even if you don't you can have a good laugh at the horrendous hair styles I was once thought looked good! I thought I'd just quickly mention I am now 21, so it's not that long ago really but I have changed a lot.

Lets talk about hair: 
So when I was 18, I was clearly very confused and believed that short hair suited me, which it really did not. I had hair styles from short all around from long at the front to short at the back, not a good look. The picture on the right isn't particularly great, although the colour is nice it looks like a square again. For some reason I liked the square look.

I was finally legally able to buy my own alcohol although I had the problem of only me and Greg being old enough to drink for a while and the rest of my friends didn't turn 18 until later in the year, I loved being able to go up a bar and purchase something although I have been ID every time since I have tried to buy a drink, goes with the territory of looking 12!

Fun Things: 
From what I remember of being 18, I went to Leeds festival for the second time which was amazing, I also went to see Britains got talent be filmed. I went out for lots of drinks to celebrate birthdays as well as finishing off college and making my decision about university (I made a bad one, oops) and enjoying life really. With a long summer to enjoy I felt it was a good year for me.

Battling with Suicide *TW* | Lets Talk

I firstly want to add a trigger warning to the start of this post, I would hate for anyone to be triggered by the post I am about to write, if you think you may be triggered by this post I'd recommend possibly not reading it. Otherwise lets crack on with this post. This is something I've wanted to talk about for such a long time, but it's taken a lot of guts and courage to be brave enough to open up about this. If you haven't already figured it out from tittle, I will be talking about battling with suicide, with my own personal battle as well as just talking about it in general. I hope this post helps at least one person out there.

For hours I was pacing around my room, wondering what would be the most logical next step, my brain was telling me to pick up the phone and call someone, anyone. My heart was telling me this is the end, it's too late to be saved. This wasn't even my first attempt at suicide but it was one that was most shocking to myself as I believed this truly could be the end for me. I took a deep breath and ended up taking a lot of tablets, hoping in some way it would numb the pain which was inside of me, even if it didn't maybe it would be too late and I wouldn't be able to feel anything anyways.

There has been times in the past when I have considered taking my own life, but I've taken to calling the Samaritans or luckily having someone around me who managed to talk me down. This time I was alone, it was real. Could I really do this to myself? By this time I was sobbing and as well as taking tablets, I took to self harming which made it even worse. After several hours, I released the tablets hadn't actually done anything except make me feel sick. So I took to self harming again, and tried to do it that way, and again it did nothing. I must of cried so much and got so tired that I actually feel asleep.

I woke up the next morning feeling rough, my arms were killing and so was my head. But that morning the sun was shining through the window, and it occurred to me that I was still alive, and there was a reason I survived. Although I still felt at an all time low and wasn't sure how I was going to make it passed this, I decided it was time to get some help. I went to my doctors who got me in touch with the crisis team, they visited me a few times a day and made me feel like there was hope and I had people I could really talk to. I was prescribed anti depressants and went to CBT, and although I still felt very alone and like I couldn't do anything, I was alive. I spent many days in bed, wondering what my purpose was. I spent weeks in bed before facing the outside and managed to go to ASDA down the road with Luke.

I feel like a stronger person for what I have been through, and I don't know how I would of coped without my support system. I feel like it was time to share my story with you lot and I hope it helps you to remember you're not alone. It's been over a year now since I last self harmed and I feel good, I am doing okay. I still have awful days where I feel like there is no way I want to be alive, but something brings me up to release I need to be here. If you want to read my post about Self Harm check it out here.

Raising Awareness Of Dementia | Lets Talk

Recently in my everyday life I've learnt a fair bit about dementia after starting a few job and becoming a dementia friend myself, I have learnt how many lives it effects on a day to day basis. I've learnt dementia doesn't just effect the old, it can effect anyone around us which is the scary thing. The thing I've learnt about dementia which pops up over and over again, is actually how lonely it can make that person, so today I am bring you a post with the lovely people at Barchester Healthcare all about raising awareness about Dementia and how you can make little changes to help those people who you know to help them.

There are so many simple tasks you can do to help those with Dementia to make them feel less alone, some examples of this are: Visiting them often, take them out for the day, spend time just talking and listening to what they have to say. It's important to spread the word and getting others making the change, as one small change that they make can have a HUGE impact on somebodies life. I am in no way claiming to be an expert on the topic, but similar to most illnesses the best way to help somebody is by being there. Whether they remember it or not, you were there and that is all that matters. At that moment in time they loved it and were having fun so why not keep doing it. Giving someone that feeling of happiness is one of the best things you can do.

If everyone made some sort of movement to help those struggling with this, the world would be a better place. You have no idea who it is going to effect and at one point of your life it could effect yourself. Think how you would like to be treated whilst going through this life destroying illness and treat others like you would like to be treated. You can do something as simple as dedicating an hour a week to someone who is alone, working with charity movements, just telling your friends and family about how they can help someone with dementia or something along those lines. There are so many things you can do to help change a life, you can be that change.

If it becomes too much for you to care for a loved one with dementia, there are other alternatives to give them the best care which you can check out here.

*Collaborative Post

Why mental illness doesn't make you weak | Lets Talk

For the years in which I have suffered a Mental illness I have always considered myself a weak person, a mentally weak person. The type which will cry at everything, not be able to handle stress and not being able to cope with anything that comes their way. At times yes this is the case, but when you start to deal with your illness you start to release you are actually a LOT stronger than you release you're not the weak person you once believe you were, in fact you are the opposite. 

Being able to deal with things you never thought you'd be able to, and being the person you want to be. I have struggled for a long time with self confidence issues, hating everything that I did, hating myself and tearing my life apart from the inside out, and I realized that it was NOT the way to go about things. It's a taken a long time, but the more I love myself the more I am able to function, I hate the idea of being seen as anything but strong for my mental illness. I have to deal with the added pressures on top of everyday life, with anxiety making me doubt every single thing in my life and depression making me want to give up and just cry a lot of the time or giving me little energy to do anything, and that is awful and it is hard to deal with. 

But the fact I manage to get out of bed a lot of times, make it into university and even sometimes have a social life and posting lots of new content on my blog, is something I am proud of, I feel amazed at myself for every single challenge which hits me, I fight back twice as hard and I feel proud of that and so should every single person dealing with a mental illness, although it's not physically draining like a lot of illnesses, it is by far the most taxing on my brain and takes away part of you as a person. If you are suffering with a mental illness, you need to remember you are not weak, you are one of the strongest people around and you should be damn proud of yourself. 

Mental illness does not = weak it equals strength, massive strength in fact and those who suffer with it, just like me should remember how powerful they really are and how strong and amazing you are to deal with such a big thing on a daily basis. Please don't doubt yourself and remember you are truly amazing and are doing the best you can!

Top tips for finding a job | Lets Talk

It's no secret that I recently bagged myself a job that I am super excited to start next week, when I look for a job I spend hours upon hours searching for the jobs I want to apply for and then I set up a system of how I apply for them and it gets the job done. Nobody likes applying for jobs as it is a dull and long process but there are ways to make it a more positive experience that people actually want to do. I thought I would shared my tips with you for my ways to bag an interview with that perfect job, get your CV ready and lets go!

Find your website of choice: 
With SO many different job websites around it is about finding the one which works best for you, that way when you sign up you can turn on the job alerts and your inbox won't be clogged with the same jobs over and over. The websites list the jobs which are local to yourself and you can change the radius and also search what jobs suit yourself. I'd totally recommend Indeed they are the website I always go to as it's simple as easy to navigate around.

Join an agency: 
Agencies are amazing for the fact that when you give them your details they store them until something comes up which is suited to yourself and then help you get that job. Getting work through an agency can make the job search a hell of a lot easier! There are also a variety of agencies for different jobs, for those being interested in marketing, I love Spotlight Recruitment as they are purely a marketing agency. Submitting your CV or making a call and then you are ready to go, how easy is that?

Apply, apply apply: 
It sounds totally obvious I know, but so many people don't take the time to just apply to any job that they may be interested in, applying for one job and getting that one job are VERY unlikely so it is worth having others which float your boat and getting a range of interviews set up, that way if one doesn't work out you've got plenty more options.

Spruce up your CV:
When applying for a job make sure that your CV is up to date with no errors, often that is why people don't make it through the door. Poorly written CV's can be a massive turn off for the person recruiting and also if everything on your CV seems out of date. Make sure your latest work is at the top of your CV and also you have all the relevant information ready to go like your phone number, without that how are they going to get in touch?

I hope this post is somewhat helpful to you lot and if you need anymore tips do let me know!

*Sponsored post 

When brands/PRs do it right with bloggers | Lets Talk

It's been in recent months when I've seen an amazing amount of brands and PR's treating bloggers as they deserve to be treated, with payment and offering great campaigns to work on which to me always makes me happy as a blogger, there's nothing worse than being emailed 20 times a day asking to share something for free with a possible RT on their social media to 150 followers (that really happened).

Today I am talking about those brands who go out of their way to find out about your blog and email you with your actual name instead of  Donuts which is what I get a lot. So what I've thought about whilst running my own blog, if a PR emails you with respect, asking for your ideas, telling you about things they enjoy on their blog, then bloggers are more likely to work on projects with smaller/no budgets because the people actually put the time in to talking to you first and taking you seriously.

Co Op Twitter Tea Party
One of the boxes sent by the Co Op 

Previously I've worked with brands/PRs who I spent ages working on a post for, even for free in the past and then popping up the post, tweeting about it then you send the link to that person and they never reply. In my opinion that is bang out of order. Even if a PR doesn't have time to read your post a simple thank you wouldn't go a miss, respect should be a mutual thing and brands should totally take the time to thank you as it is a lot of work creating that perfect post, they don't just pop up on our bloggers all shiny and written up, we do that.

So on to the good stuff, I have a few PR companies who keep in touch, follow me on social media and give me fabulous feedback on each post I do for them, some examples of this are the Together Agency, Fetch Fm and Brands 2 Life. Without the lovely managers of the accounts there wouldn't any of this so I just wanted to put a special thank you in this post to Emma who has her own blog Emma's Blog who is always so lovely and makes me smile and another to the lovely Viki who I've been working with for a while now and she always sends over lovely feedback and comments.

Another shout out to a brand who I always find do it right are the Co Op, with their amazing surprise food packages with all of the thought gone into them, it always makes me smile when one arrives! The brand make sure that you receive your package and also put on fabulous Twitter chats, like the #TwitterTeaParty they did a few weeks back. Keep up the good work Co Op you are fab!

Remember treating bloggers with respect can go along way, but also remember we can't always work for free as sometimes we are earning our living from our blog and money makes the world go round!