Category: change
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts

Taking Back Control.



It's always daunting coming back to your blog after being away from it for a few weeks and it has been a good couple of months since I've been able to sit down with a clear head and actually want to write posts. I've gone from writing four posts a week to struggling to do four a month, but I guess that's one of the annoying things about mental health, it can take over your entire life, seize you it's grasp and not let you go again. It's even worse when someone manages to get into your head, change everything about you that you once knew and then drop you like they didn't even care. At all. I ended my previous relationship late last year and did the usual, "oh lets join dating sites; if something happens it happens and if it doesn't that's ok too". But then, I met someone and I was happy.

It burnt out very quickly, we stopped talking. I assumed that was the end. Until we decided we could be friends. I wanted new friends and I enjoyed the life he lived so I went for it, why not? Over the following weeks, we tried the whole friends thing, but it was clear quickly it was way more than that. I wanted to give it ago more than anything. I wanted it to work and I would of done anything for him. I put myself in some stupid situations, I sacrificed my friendships  for him as I knew my friends didn't like him. I gave up caring about myself and my mental health was deteriorating. Neither of us would sleep at night as we both had issues with sleeping during the night, so we were sleeping all day. I wasn't even seeing any light apart from when I was falling asleep. This was pretty much everyday. My mood was dropping. Despite this I somehow managed to push through my dissertation and ended up with a 2:2 which I'm so happy I did.

It wasn't until I stepped away from the situation, that I realised it was poisonous from the start, he would never even want to admit he was associated with me in public. He would act like it was all in my head, then when we were alone, he would act like he loved me, telling me he was falling for me, treating me like I was the only girl in the world. In front of others he was constantly checking dating websites, talking to girls and making feel like I was nothing to him. I was supplying him with the lifestyle he wanted, funding everything he wanted. Treating him like he was the best thing in the world, because to me he was. I didn't understand at the time but I honestly felt like it was more like an abusive relationship, it was never physical, but the mental abuse I suffered was not okay. No one deserves to get torn down every single to the point where they don't know who they are anymore, they feel so empty and alone that they don't know how to cope. Made to feel like they are worthless.

Then one day, after he admitted he actually had feelings for me and wanted to give it ago, he started being weird with me, and you know, when something doesn't feel right? Yeah that. I was sat in his flat and he disappeared for hours, came back and something still wasn't right, and it got to the point where he stopped talking to me all together despite being in the same room for 12 hours. I left his flat the next day and he deleted me off everything. He stopped replying to my messages, it was like he was gone without a trace. That hurt.

The next few days were tough, I spent two months of my life trying to make someone so happy, I had forgotten how to care for myself. My mental health was poor and I was giving everything to a guy who frankly didn't care. I didn't know what I'd done to him so my anxiety went through the roof. I felt like I was a bad person, like I'd done something unforgivable. But worse, this guy who you'd given everything to just cut you out, just like that. You hear from people in your life he's been telling them he cut you loose and that he only stuck around for the money benefits I was offering. It hurts being used. Honestly it does. It was only a few days ago when I finally realised I am SO much better off without someone who is that much of a low life and I found this AMAZING article, which I read about cutting toxic people out of your life (you can read it here) it changed the way I was looking at things, I started to wonder what if I had actually done anything wrong, and it occurred to me I did everything for that person, and that person had let me down. I am still trying to rebuild myself up now, and I am going to find it SO hard to trust again, BUT, I will trust again.

I will find someone who doesn't make me feel awful for wanting to hug them, or for telling them they look good. I will find someone who actually makes me feel good instead of putting me down, I will find someone who wants me around and appreciates what I do for them. I am worthy of that, I know damn well I am. For those of you stuck in a toxic situation, remember it's not your fault and as hard as it may seem, you can get through it, I promise. It may not be easy to get out of, it may take weeks, months or even years to get out of it, but remember you're not alone. Surround yourself with those who make you feel worthy, you need those people in your life.

"To the wrong person, you'll never have any worth. To the right person, you'll mean everything."

10 Times I 'Won' At Life | Lets Talk

I am forever talking about important issues on my blog, which I love more than anything in the world and I will continue to do so. But today I decided I would share something different with my lovely readers on my blog and share 10 times that I 'won' at life. By winning at life I just mean 10 good things that have happened to me, I thought it would be cool to share something a bit more upbeat and hopefully you enjoy this post, I would love to know about the times you've won at life in the comments.



1. The time I got added to my FAVOURITE brands press list.
That's right, I get sent things for my blog from my favourite brand. Every time I get a package from them it feels like I am dreaming.

2. The time I got the shoes I've wanted for ages.
I looked for this particular pair of shoes all over the internet for weeks and someone finally put them on Ebay in my size for a MASSIVE fraction of what they were being sold at everywhere and the sender was super lovely.

3. The time I made a best friend.
It sounds so soppy, but this year I finally found someone who I can happily call my best friend, I could spend every single day with him and I wouldn't mind. He's made me so happy and I couldn't imagine life without him. We do so many fun things together and he's taught me it's okay to be a little weird.

4. The time I got a job.
If you had told me two years ago I would be able to go to work again and do things with my life I totally wouldn't of believed you, as somebody who once struggled to go out of the house, this is a HUGE change for me.

5. That time I made a blogger Whatsapp group.
Earlier this year I made a blogger whatsapp group which has been my life line through so many things, I couldn't imagine not having these lovely ladies in my life. Kim, Lalia, Sarah, Elena, Jess, Aoife and Georgina you are my life.

6.  That time I got the confidence to go out without makeup on!
This has been many times since, but the first time in about 5 years I managed to go out without makeup on this year, and it was a super huge step for me as I am so self conscious.

7. That time when I got 100 likes on my Instagram photo.
It feels SO good to hit 100 likes on my Instagram photos and although it probably doesn't seem a lot to some people to me it's a big deal. It's also super exciting that it keeps happening.

8. The time I got the right diagnosis of my mental health.
I was forever feeling like I was getting fobbed off by the doctors and not getting the right diagnosis for my illness, I was being given different medication after different medication and nothing was helping. Finally, I saw a doctor who got it and helped me get the right therapy and that changed my life. Getting a proper diagnosis is always super important. Some people think visiting a private health care professional helps, an example of this would be Harley Street Clinic at UCH. Finding someone who you get a long with is super important in mental health.

9. The time I moved into my own house.
I loved living in a student house for the company of my friends, but I wouldn't trade living with my boyfriend for anything. It is so much better for having my own space and chilling out.

10. The time I got my tattoo.
When I got my first tattoo it was so much more to me than just getting a tattoo, it was a step in my journey which changed my life. I am still super happy with it a year later.

*Collaborative Post 


My Skincare Routine | Beauty

Up until around three months ago my skin care routine was none existent, I would cleanse my face in the shower with my magnitone but that was about it. I have always taken off my makeup properly and my acne was still always prominent. When I was with the lovely Hannah back in February we went for a skin consultation at Murad when I was shocked with my results as my skin looked damaged and aged and as well as my dire acne. Whilst visiting Murad the lovely Jemma advised me on which products to try for my acne prone skin, and despite it being £80 for three products and my bank balance crying at the time, I am so happy I invested in the skin care which I did. Plus Jemma threw in a ton of samples. For the first month of using Murad my skin was getting worse, and I was nervous I was allergic to it or it just wasn't working, but as a few friends said your skin needs to get all of the bad stuff out before it can recover and become healthy again. Sure enough they were right two months after starting using the products I noticed my skin was the best it had ever been. 

So what is my current skin care routine? I am currently using a blemish clearing solution and a hydrating moisturiser two times a day and every other day I will use my exfoliate and cleanser in the shower along with my newest addiction to my skincare routine is my Foreo which I'll get to in a second. So with the exfoliater all you need to do is tip some of the crystals into your hands and rub together with water which makes a paste which you rub all over your face. Recently since I've added my Foreo into my routine I've found it super easy to cleanse once I've rubbed the cleanser on my face I'll use the Foreo for 15 seconds on both sides to get deeper into the skin and pull out all of the dirt. I've found my skin is even better than it was before with pretty much zero spots for the majority of the month. 

As somebody who has tried so many different creams it's crazy that something as creating a skin care routine for myself and drinking more water has made such a massive difference to my skin. My skin feels healthier and looks less red and dry which is something I've suffered with in the past. I've always been pretty wary of the redness of my cheeks so this has made a massive impact on my confidence if nothing else. I just wanted to say before I go that this has not been sponsored or anything like that, this is my own views.    






Raising Awareness Of Dementia | Lets Talk

Recently in my everyday life, I've learnt a fair bit about dementia after starting a few job and becoming a dementia friend myself, I have learnt how many lives it effects on a day to day basis. I've learnt dementia doesn't just affect the old, it can affect anyone around us which is the scary thing. The thing I've learnt about dementia which pops up over and over again, is actually how lonely it can make that person, so today I am bringing you a post with the lovely people at Barchester Healthcare all about raising awareness about Dementia and how you can make little changes to help those people who you know to help them.



There are so many simple tasks you can do to help those with Dementia to make them feel less alone, some examples of this are: Visiting them often, take them out for the day, spend time just talking and listening to what they have to say. It's important to spread the word and getting others making the change, as one small change that they make can have a HUGE impact on somebodies life. I am in no way claiming to be an expert on the topic, but similar to most illnesses the best way to help somebody is by being there. Whether they remember it or not, you were there and that is all that matters. At that moment in time they loved it and were having fun so why not keep doing it. Giving someone that feeling of happiness is one of the best things you can do.

If everyone made some sort of movement to help those struggling with this, the world would be a better place. You have no idea who it is going to effect and at one point of your life it could effect yourself. Think about how you would like to be treated whilst going through this life-destroying illness and treat others like you would like to be treated. You can do something as simple as dedicating an hour a week to someone who is alone, working with charity movements, just telling your friends and family about how they can help someone with dementia or something along those lines. There are so many things you can do to help change a life, you can be that change.

If it becomes too much for you to care for a loved one with dementia, there are other alternatives to give them the best care which you can check out here.

*Collaborative Post

Feel Better With Holland And Barrett | Lifestyle

 It's always at the start of the year when people decide to make changes to their lifestyle, whether that be to lose weight or just to live a healthier lifestyle from one time to another we have probably all tried something along those lines. It's now quickly approaching March, and I can't believe we are going to be into the third month of the year already. Recently the lovely people at Iprospect got in touch about a campaign they were running with a company you've probably all heard of Holland and Barrett. If you don't know who Holland and Barrett are, they are a company who specialise in vitamins, minerals and herbal supplements (in other words, all of the good stuff you need).

Holland And Barrett Chia Seeds

The idea behind the campaign is to follow a meal plan which a nutritionist has written for a week and then to make long-lasting changes to your diet to make you feel better on the inside and even work towards other goals like losing weight. I was sent a huge variety of products including Chia Seeds, Nakd Bars, Manuka honey and plenty of other stuff. The first thing I had to do with the plan was to change some of the meals so they fit my vegetarian lifestyle as the original was for meat eaters.

My thoughts on the plan: 
The plan provided so many different snack alternatives which were super healthy which I loved to try out as I am usually one of the people who ends up snacking on crisps and other unhealthy alternatives. I was over the moon to find out that one of my favourite meals was included in the plan, spaghetti bolognese and I even got to make double portions for the day after, win! The things I found hardest about the plan were the fact that it include a lot of dairy or dairy substitutes and I am not a huge fan of dairy/milk so I wouldn't include those into my daily life. But I found some new products which I can use in other things like Chia Seeds and Cacao Power and as well as some very tasty snacks. I found it fairly easy to stick to and I would take the outline of this plan and make it more me, but include lots more healthy products into everyday as I found it made a huge difference to my energy levels and the way I felt everyday.

Holland And Barrett Cacao

Future ideas: 
For future ideas I had the idea after looking through Pinterest is to get some cacao powder to make protein balls out of and these make amazing snacks before or after the gym as they're full of energy and taste pretty good too. I like idea of cooking with coconut oil instead of regular oil as it's a healthier alternative and also tastes yummier. For one of the meals included in the plan coconut oil was used and made the meal itself 100x more tasty which is what people who want to loose weight want as a lot of 'diet' food is seen to be boring and bland. I will definitely be including cashew nuts into my daily diet as they are fab for a snack and are hardly any calories. Finally I found some amazing on the go lunch plans on Nic's Nutrition site and if you fancy checking that out you can do here.

Holland And Barrett Curly Cashews

Nakd Bars

While taking part in this experiment I found myself lots of new healthy and fun ideas to include into everyday life, what do you want to make healthier in your life?  

2015, what did I do? | Lifestyle

IT'S NEARLY THE END OF THE YEAR! What is this madness? I swear it was only a few months ago when we were coming into 2015 and now we are heading into 2016. When talking to a friend a few weeks back I realized I've actually done a lot of pretty big things in 2015 as well some smaller things so I thought I'd share them with you, along with a photo collage to share my year in pictures, I hope you enjoy this post as much as I enjoyed writing it!


What have I done in 2015? 

-Changed my name (for those of you who don't know about this you can read here)
-Starting wearing glasses
-Moved out
-Made some awesome friends
-Made it into third year of uni
-One year anniversary with Luke
-Started living with my friends
-Visited some awesome places
-Restarted my blog
-Got a foundation degree
-Gained over 8000 twitter followers
-Became more confident with who I am
-Got a job

I think 2015 has been a pretty successful year for me, what about you guys? 

Why I started Slimming World | Weightloss

If you follow me on twitter you may be aware that I recently started doing Slimming World, after trying to do lots of other 'diets' and failing, I am awful when it comes to eating the bad stuff and often forget to eat the good stuff. I am forever tucking into pizza and chocolate and not so much my five a day. I could of sat around forever waiting for all of my weight to fall off of me, but lets face it as much as I wish I could without hard work and determination I am not going to get anywhere. So this is where Slimming World comes in, in the past my family members have used it and recommended it as well following a lot of Instagram accounts who use it and it seems to work. Now the reason I went for SW over any other is because of the way it works, let me explain for those who haven't used it.


You are allowed an unlimited amount of certain foods, like veggies, fruit and even PASTA which most people then turn around and say that won't work, but it is actually okay. Filling up on these foods and cutting down on others helps, then you are allowed two 'healthy extras' a day which is from two lists one containing calcium related things such as milk and cheese and the other includes bread and other wheat items like cereal the healthy extras allow you to eat them in a measured amount once a day. My usual go to choice is cheese and two pieces of wholemeal bread and those are just what works for me, I know other people prefer to have milk and cereal but those are personal choices. Finally the more confusing part, the syns- these are things you are allowed to eat but in moderation, the way this works is you are allowed between 5-15 syns a day obviously the less you eat the quicker you tend to loose it, but this is great for those who love a bit of snack such as a cheeky pack of crisps every now and again or even the odd chocolate bar, it works as long as you are within your syn amount for the day. So far I've noticed my syns go on light butter on my toast, sometimes dips and of course the odd dairy milk.

The reason I think Slimming World will work for me is because I am never hungry, whereas with previous diets I would always get hungry and end up eating something wrong because I was in the mood to snack- whereas with SW you can snack on syn free foods and stay within your daily allowance. I think it is a lot easier to keep up even when you've lost the weight too, as you don't feel like you're on a diet and you can more easy on the syns and give yourself a few more treats.


Have you ever tried Slimming World?