Is it the most wonderful time of the year?

Olivia, 22, Customer Service Representative, Girlfriend, Best Friend, Niece, Sister, Daughter, Blogger, Long Term Mental Illness Sufferer.



Dealing with mental illness at this time of year is something that isn't new to me. Many years go past and it doesn't get any easier, everywhere is busier, people want to do more things, money is tighter, it's cold and there is next to no natural light. Don't get me wrong I love Christmas as much as the next person, however there is just something about the way the whole month messes with my 'routine'. I know it's probably for the best as it gets me doing things, but at the same time, having no light when you go to work and the same when you return, makes it hard to motivate yourself to do anything but sleep and eat junk food. 

The people everywhere, any shop you go into, it's rammed. Things not being how they were previously, is something I find hard to cope with. I enjoy the lights around, means that it's slightly less dark around, with the flashes of colour everywhere you go. But there is still that element of danger that constantly worries me. I finish work at 5pm, and the idea of walking home at all is challenging, it's dark and to me the dark is a mystery, anything could behind it and although you've done walked in it many times before, no time is exactly the same. I spend time walking around shopping centres, hours browsing the internet trying to find the perfect present for that person. But in the back of your head worry that, they're not going to like it and then the effort feels like it was never worth it. 

Everyone is happier, and you're worried if you don't act happy too, people will be angry, I mean it's nearly Christmas after all. The facade can be tiring, you want to be happy, but it's hard and it zaps up all of your energy, and then you have no energy left for anything else. People want to go out for drinks and want you to go with them too, but your medication doesn't allow you to drink, it makes you so much worse, you feel like the odd one out. People asking why you don't think, giving you a variety of excuses of why you should drink, it's Christmas being the main one. I wish I could live my life the same way as the rest. 

Christmas should be fun, not all doom and gloom. 

16 comments

  1. Awwwh Liv, it's horrible isn't it. I get that too as soon as October seems to kick in. I love Christmas too but the fact it gets dark so early and light so late really gets to me too. I hope you feel better soon <3

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  2. I am so sorry that you feel like this, I don't tend to get SAD or anything to do with the darkness but I do agree that the crowds make me feel anxious and stressed out but I just push myself into those situations x

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  3. I feel your pain, I was in town today briefly and just being in the Card Factory was enough to stress me out. So many queues and people dawdling everywhere!

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  4. I relate to this so so much! All i do at the moment is sleep and eat because the thought of going out in the dark and cold is the worst. Although I always class autumn/winter as my favourite time of year.

    Abi | abistreetx

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear you feel like that, I hope that you have people close to you that understand and help you through the tougher times and I do hope you can enjoy Christmas

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  6. I can also relate, I love christmas, but its hard seeing everyone else so happy when your struggling with mental & physical illness, and don't have family since christmas is so family oriented, its a constant struggle. but i try to do things i enjoy like walking my dog when its light, watching xmas movies, and treating myself to a gingerbread latte from starbucks there the best! try and do something nice for yourself! take care x

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  7. It's a really dififcut time of year to be honest about not being okay as everyone else seems to be hurrying along minding their own business with joy and festive excitement and you feel like you're world is moving much much slower. I'm sorry that this will be so tough for you however I think you'll help lots of people who are also going through similar mental health issues this Christmas.

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  8. It is great that you raise awareness like this and that there can be a whole other side to Christmas for some. I know what you mean about it messing with routine x

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  9. I hate shopping at this time of year and get frustrated by the queues etc. I love christmas day but not everything that goes on around it and totally understand why it is stressful for those with mental health issues

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  10. I'm sorry that you feel this way, I used to feel exactly the same especially during the depths of my grief. Much love to you.

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  11. It can be very difficult for lots of us - I find I remember all the things and people I've lost, as well as the positives. I am really affected by the lack of light and sometimes pop into Cardiff just for the lights to perk me up. Is there someone you could buddy up with to go home so you're not so worried by the dark?

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  12. It is a very overwhelming time of year. I think as a woman it’s so hectic. I don’t mean this in a sexist way but women always multi task anyway and I find lots of jobs are left for women to do. I always get very tired this time of year and I am very low on vitamin d. Something I was going to ask you is have you had your vitamin d checked? As if you are deficient at this time of year it can affect your mood. It can make you feel so so tired so it is worth checking. I hope you do have s nice Xmas and get some time for yourself sending big hugs x x

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  13. This was so poignant and relatable for me. I used to put so much energy into trying to be happy over the festive period (for the children) that I was constantly exhausted. Now they are grown, I don't worry so much. I hope that you get some time to yourself over the coming weeks and send you a virtual hug.

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  14. Things can be so much harder at this time of the year, but you should feel bad about not drinking - plenty of people don't for many reasons. I just go to the bar and have a soda and lime and let people think it's got gin in it.

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  15. It's horrible isn't it and it can be really hard. Sending you lots of love cx

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  16. This time of year is just full of pressure, people rushing from A to b and it's just overall, quite stressful! It will all be over soon, thankfully!

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