7 June 2016

But she was asking for it *TW* | Lets Talk

*Please do not read this post if you are triggered by issues like rape and sexual abuse* 

Walking out the house in the evening wearing a short dress. fishnet tights and a pair of heeled boots seems fairly reasonable wouldn't you say? Oh and you're on your own. You walk into town by yourself, it's a warm summers day and you feel like dressing up and looking nice to go out and meet a friend that you haven't seen in a while. Whilst you're on your way a man in a car winds down his window and shouts, 'Nice arse love, I would' before whistling and driving off at full speed. You go into a bar and have a few drinks, you are having a great time and you feel good in yourself. You get chatted up at the bar by a random and you say you are having a catch up with a mate. He tells you that you look good, you smile and say thank you. He puts his arm around your waist and you tell him that you are not interested. He looks taken aback by this and tells you he didn't want you anyway and tells you that you are ugly.As he's walking away he mutters that you shouldn't dress like a tart if you don't want 'it'.

 You carry on talking to your mate like nothing has happened until it's time to leave, it's been three hours since you've seen the guy who tried to hit on you previously. You walk out of the bar, hug your mate goodbye and head your separate ways. You don't live far away so you decide to walk on your own again; only this time something is different. The guy who pestered you in the bar is actually following you home, you keep walking with your head down and call some friends and hope one of them will answer. In a matter of minutes the man catches up with you and says, 'you're not so mouthy are you now?' The rest is something which happens far too often; that something is rape. Perhaps it happens because of what you are wearing, or because you are alone and vulnerable so it's classed as a valid excuse to do so. A woman of any age, wearing any item of clothing should be able to walk around alone without feeling scared. But sadly that's not the case. 


You are at a party with some friends, you see somebody you haven't seen for a few years. They look amazing. You have a few drinks and pluck up the courage to speak to them again. You greet them and surprisingly they remember you. You find a seat together and start chatting and before long you find that you're actually kissing and you are enjoying it. He asks if you want to go upstairs, you nod and follow. You want to do this, he's the guy you've fancied since high school and you are excited that after all this time he finally wants you. You start to get into bed; you're kissing and you realise you've made a mistake. You sit up and tell him you can't do this. He presses his finger against your lip 'Ssshhhh' he says and ushers for you to keep going. By this point you are adamant you don't want to do anything. You tell him again, stammering that you can't do this. You can tell that he does't like hearing what you have to say and as you try to leave he pulls you closer. Just another case of rape which should never have happened. No means no. Always. 

It's a Friday evening and you and your boyfriend are lying in bed together watching a film. Your boyfriend turns to you and asks if you are 'up for it.' You tell him not tonight, you're too tired and really not feeling it. Your boyfriend seems a bit hacked off with this but seems to accept what you've said. Ten minutes pass and he asks again, this time touching your leg. Once again you say no, not tonight, and again he seems hacked off. This time he says 'but you're my girlfriend, we should be doing it, why are you saying no?' You turn and tell him that you love him but not tonight, you don't want it. He turns to you and tries to kiss you, he tells you that if you loved him you'd satisfy him. You're a little hesitant this time when you tell him no, you don't want to upset him. This time he seems angry in a way you've never seen him before. You're scared and you don't want to go through with it but you've never seen him like this before. You reluctantly agree and he says 'that's right, you should be trying to please me.' After it happens you feel ill, you feel scared and you feel violated. This person is your partner they do not have any right to do anything which you do not want. 

Rape is rape, no matter what you are wearing, whether you say yes and then change your mind, whether you are in relationship or walking home in the dark. Sex without consent is never ok. 

*Stories are made up, based on examples I've read online. 


  1. Very well said. Even though the stories in this post are made up, they sound very accurate. It's so sad how often things like this happen and how rarely the rapists get punished for it.


  2. You've written this really well, and the point is really clear, and it's sad that, although not real incidents, they are all too common. The last one hit home with me (I'm not triggered, I actually wrote a post about that relationship) where there was one time my ex did pretty much that, tho he didn't get angry, I felt as though I had no choice but go through with it. So I'm really glad you wrote this to raise awareness.

    ~Gail www.sherbet-aurora.co.uk

  3. Well written, great post. I agree with Alice, the stories may be made up but all ring true in so many cases for so many women.
    Sharon x


  4. Very well written post and I admire you for discussing such an important, sensitive topic in a way that really has an impact!
    Maisie xx
    Blog: moolifestyle.com | Bloglovin: https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/moo-lifestyle-14749053

  5. I absolutely agree, rape is rape no matter what a person wears. Rape is more about power than anything else!

  6. Well said, what you wear does not give men an excuse to 'rape you', rape is wrong no matter the situation. I was told that because I was wearing a bodycon thigh length skirt and a crop top I was asking or 'looking' like I wanted to get raped which disgusts me.

  7. Too right!!! Rape is rape it doesn't matter what outfit it wears!! I'm sickened by the #Brock #CollegeRape case at the moment, I literally cannot believe that he got off because he's a fucking swimmer who might have gone to the Olympics!!! I mean FFS!!! This is 2016 women should be made to feel like they did the wrong thing or that because they were drinking they somehow encouraged it!! No they bloody well did not!!!! Rape is still rape, sex without consent/with force is rape why can't people (men) see this?!!?!?!?
    Ok i'm going to go before I completely go off on one on your beautiful blog!
    Thanks for raising such an important issue hun I loved it, I think it's imperative that as bloggers we talk about issues such as this.

  8. So very well said. There is never any excuse, and people (not just men) should realise that a persons body is theirs alone, and no-one has the right to ever do anything that is unwanted x

  9. Yes No means No always. Thank you for sharing. What are your thoughts on the men that are wrongly accused?? It's such a tricky subject and once someone has been accused it sticks. I like to play a bit of devil advocate and get thoughts from all angles.

    Me and my brother watched a programme years ago which was very much like your middle story. my brother thought he was innocent but I came up with the conclusion that was near enough the same as your second story. People dont want to believe this goes on... But it does and much too often. The documentary showed you 2 possible conclusions, one was the man being wrongly accused and loosing his job ect ect and the other was the lady being raped and how it effected her and her life. It's so interesting. Again thank you for sharing. ☺️Xx