But I know looking back at photos that was not a healthy relationship to have. It was after one of my exes left me I started to develop another problem with food but this time it was the other way. I found a new boyfriend and his family taught me that eating was good, in fact eating a lot was good. At first it was a good thing I was gaining weight. I needed to gain weight. But then I couldn't stop. Food became such a huge thing to me, I actually feel weird typing this out because to anyone who has never had these problems you'll probably think it is stupid but to me this is how it feels. I would literally panic if I didn't know when I was going to be able to eat next, I used to get depressed hanging out with people who didn't eat a lot because I didn't want to be judged. I could see myself getting bigger and being more unhappy with myself but it felt right to keep eating.
It wasn't until I was a little bit older when I started to notice a pattern in my eating, and it's only VERY recently that I've noticed my triggers. I would never eat a lot when I was happy, it would always be when I was stressed. I felt sad, I wanted to eat. I would eat SO much food until I felt sick but I couldn't stop. *I'm still dealing with these issues now so it's pretty raw stuff* I rely on food far too much and I am so glad it's finally something I am dealing with because I am worried for my health. I hate the way my body looks at the moment, I hate going shopping with people in case the clothes don't fit. I NEVER try them on in the changing room because when I realise I need to go up a dress size my day is ruined. The worst thing I feel like when it is an issue with food it always people telling you, OH just eat more or you know you could just stop eating. I don't think they realise it's not that simple, oh damn I wish it was. I know that my issues with food are not ok, it is not ok to be in this relationship anymore, like a toxic relationship; it is time to leave. I will forever want to go back to you but this has to be the way forward. It was in the last few weeks when I was seeing my doctor at his late night surgery that I told him, once I started I couldn't stop. He's getting me some support for this issue and I am lucky I have a doctor who understands so well. For now, I am looking at ways to deal with my relationship with food in a more healthy way and I am so proud of myself for dealing with it.
I hope this post as every other helped in someway, shape or form.