Wednesday, 5 October 2016

An Open Letter To My Bullies | Lets Talk

Dear Bullies,

It's been five years since we left school but the torment you endured upon me still follow me around every single day. The names, the way you would laugh at my 'hairy' arms, the way you would take it in turns to ask me out and have a laugh all of it is still vivid in my memory. I hated going to school because of you, I would pretend I was sick so many days so I wouldn't have to face the torment that was going on when I would enter that classroom or at lunch. Many nights I would spend crying over these horrible imperfections about myself that I could never fix, whether that be my nose, my acne, my skinny figure or even my hairy arms. I couldn't change those things you wanted me to, I couldn't be one of the popular ones because I was too lame, didn't like getting in to trouble and found it hard to talk to new people. I would get ridiculed because I was quiet, but when I finally spoke up this made it all the worse. To teach me a lesson you drew my picture on the whiteboard during lunch and made it so ugly everyone couldn't help but laugh at. To this day I can still picture that image on that whiteboard, something that probably left your memory just hours after it happened. I'm sure you'll be pleased to know I now suffer with PTSD, which means I struggle just being in a large crowd of people, I hate looking in the mirror because I just imagine the horrible image of myself which you made me believe.



When I look in the mirror and I am having a bad day, I will remember all of those words and the way I feel about myself is a way nobody should ever feel about themselves but that was all down to you. The rumours you would start to get people to shout in my face, call me names and push me still ring in my ears. Starting a rumour about a popular girl I'd never even heard of and saying I said horrible things about her wasn't fair, I hadn't even heard of before that day. A whole school tormenting you for being ugly because you started a 'rumour' about a beautiful girl is not something anybody wants to happen to them. I spent most of my school days with my friends on the benches behind the language block, I felt safe. As safe as I could at that hell hole, others refer to as school. I would see so many people making friends but I knew I was different; my mental illness began at such a young age, I always felt like an outsider. I would go and spend hours punishing myself for not being good enough and not being the popular girl. Why couldn't I be blonde? why couldn't I be confident? why do I have acne?

The day I left school honestly was the best day of my life, I no longer had to deal with the evil torment which was given to me most days for 5 years. I went to college and my life CHANGED, people wanted to know me, people gave me the confidence and the love I was craving and I can say it changed my life. Even though it has been 5 years, I am still weak and have such a low opinion of myself and I am not sure that will ever change. I just have one more thing to say before I sign this letter. I hope you feel good for all of the hurt you inflicted on me, I hope it was worth it.

Love Olivia
xoxo.
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9 comments

  1. Hey lovely,

    Thank you so much for the taking the time to write such an important post. You are going to help so many people. I was bullied at school for a period of time and it was awful. The girl that bullied me now has children of her own and I wonder...how would she feel if someone treated her child the way she treated me?!

    Thanks for being so brave and sharing your letter.

    Sarah, Things Sarah Loves xx

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  2. You lovely, wonderful woman, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I don't think people realise that what they might say now can resinate with someone for the rest of their life. I'm glad you've found people that give you confidence and treat you the way you're meant to be treated. Love and hugs! <3

    Kirsty - HelloZelda

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  3. I can sympathise as I was also teased and bullied at school because of the hairy on my arms and legs on a daily basis. You are very brave to write about this so openly. Sending hugs xxxx

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  4. This was a desolate yet honest post that proves how courageous you are! I hope that you've found more confidence and accept how wonderful, unique and charming you really are, in your own little way <3
    I love your blog and what you write always seems to resonate
    clandestine-v.blogspot.com

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  5. Sorry ot hear you suffer from PTSD because of the nasty bullies. You're very brave for writing this letter - hopefully they read it once day and realise the affect bullying can have x

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  6. I'm so sorry that you had to go through such a bad time like this babe. Bullying is one of the worst things in this world, and I am so happy that you have now came out a better and stronger woman. 💋💕

    With love, Alisha Valerie. x
    www.AlishaValerie.com || www.twitter.com/AlishaValerie

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  7. This is beautifully put - I was badly bullied as a child for my weight and as an adult it has stuck with me, despite my ability to push through it. Bullying is horrible. H x

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  8. I'd just like to say you are beautiful and glad you seem to be better. These horrible words shape you in some way I suppose. You're better than that! Karma comes around to people like that, that's all I can say to reassure you...

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  9. It actually made me sad to read this. Why are people such cunts? I've been in the same boat and it isn't easy but I hope one day the memories fade for you babe xox
    www.tartanbones.com

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