Sat in front of yet another psychiatrist being asked the same questions over and over everytime I saw somebody new, asking me why I was sat there, what has happened me, and what I want to talk about. It took three psychiatrists for me to say enough and decide it wasn't helping me. There's only so many times you can talk about your struggles and problems without dying a little inside. I honestly hate sitting down and talking about me, I couldn't think of anything worse if I am honest. Sitting one to one with somebody and talking to them whilst they write notes on me, kills me a little inside. I hate feeling like I am an exhibit which people need to write notes on and study. I think I decided I didn't like therapy after opening up to a therapist when I was younger and having them telling me to pretend it never happened and that was the only way I would ever get better. That made me unable to let go and trust another therapist for a long time.

I decided I would give it another go a couple of years ago because I wanted to be better and the medication wasn't helping me. I would sit and talk about some of my problems but I always felt myself holding back and unable to open up about what was really wrong. Trust to me is such a big deal and I find it so hard to open up to somebody, I wanted to open up to my therapist I did but I was scared of the outcome. Would she leave me feeling worse than I already did? Would she pass me on to somebody else to deal with me, what would happen to me? I eventually opened up and my fears came true. I was referred back to my doctor as I needed to be seen by a specialist for different therapy; I was told that it would be very unlikely if CBT would actually help me. I was glad they were finally helping me by pointing me in the direction of something that would actually help me but again I was still lost about opening up again without a lead.

I am currently undergoing a different therapy called EDMR, it is harder than anything I've ever had to deal with before but I finally have hope that I may get better if I keep working towards my goal. I will keep battling with my demons and hope after this type of therapy I will have a happier outcome to feed back to you all. I would love to know how many of you have had successful CBT!