Mental health is something I will always talk openly about on Dungarees & Donuts as it's not something I am afraid to talk about, if you are looking to find my mental health story check it out here. Today's post is about what it is like dealing with mental health issues at university.
Some of you may know that I never actually stayed in halls as part of my first year at university due to the stress of being around and living with strangers, the crazy amount of thoughts that went through my head talked me out of even considering thinking about halls. I'll never know on what I missed out on not going to live at university halls. I am now just finishing my second year and am moving in with my friends and boyfriend for third year, which I am over the moon about. Although there are still parts of it which scare me, the whole what if I annoy everyone with my weird moods, or what if they start to hate me despite being my friends these are the thoughts that constantly go through my head.
One part of my anxiety and depression which I have noticed does effect my university social life is the way I feel uneasy about visiting my friends at their university and going to clubs. The idea of going to club makes me want to be sick, people all around me, it's warm and so many people are touching you by accident. The fear is unreal. I have been to clubs before but always freaking out and having to leave early, or getting so drunk and feeling so unwell that once again I have to leave early, which really does suck. I'd to be able to experience the 'fun' in clubs but I am not sure it is something I will be okay with in this lifetime. There is one good thing though, I am finally starting to be able to go out to pubs and have a social drink, I can sit in a pub for hours and actually start to enjoy it, I am not sure if it's the fact I don't have to wear 6 inch heels or the fact that I won't randomly get touched that makes going to a pub more okay in my mind.
My friends are so great with my anxiety and depression and when I struggle to go out at all they are great about it and try their best to help me the ways they can. My boyfriend is amazing with it all, if we miss a night out because I can't face it he never once holds it against me, he says he doesn't fancy it anyways, which really helps with my guilt issues. I am not saying this will be the experience for everyone who goes to university, in fact for some people it does them the world of good and helps them break out of their shell! I just wish I was able to take that leap.