Wednesday, 18 March 2015

The Misconceptions of Sexual Abuse.





This post is by far one of the hardest ones I've had to write but it's a post I've always wanted to write and it will get a lot of my chest, it's something that is close to my heart. Some of you may disagree with me sharing this kind of post but I guess as I always say, it's my blog and I feel like this is an issue which effects more people than anyone realize and we need to talk about it. SO today's post is all about the misconceptions which go with sexual abuse. I hear so many things which are wrong about rape in just passing comments and I just don't understand how people have got it so wrong.

A few I've heard are: 

"She was wearing a short dress"
How does someones outfit choice determine what rights a woman has over her body, a woman should be able to wear what she wants without the idea of what she wears making her a target to sexual abuse.

"She's a 'slag' she probably wanted it"
You can't make that assumption about anyone, it doesn't matter how many men she may or may not have slept with still does not give anyone the right to do anything she doesn't want.

"She was out on her own at night she was asking for it"
I completely forgot the part of where a woman walking out on her own at night-time meant she was asking for sex, it's sick that a woman can't even go out on her own without having the fear of something bad happening. So wrong.

"She was drunk, she didn't know what she wanted"
Have sex with someone who is drunk they can hardly function probably isn't the best idea, I mean obviously one night stands happen as a consequence of alcohol which is fine. But as long as both parties are consenting, any hesitation means no.

"She led me on, she wanted it!"
Just because someone was flirting with you/ kissing you does not give you any right for you to take it any further, if the person walks away or says no. That means no.

Common misconceptions of Sexual Abuse:

"Most people are raped by strangers"
Almost 90% of sexual abuse is committed by a person the victim actually knows, e.g. a boyfriend, an ex boyfriend, a friend or even a family member. Even if a person is in a relationship they have to consent, a relationship does not give you an automatic right to a woman.

"Only forced sex is sexual abuse"
Any amount of touching, kissing which is unwanted is sexual abuse. Touch someone who doesn't want it, that counts. Pressuring someone into sex, that also counts. If someone has said NO, there shouldn't need to be any convincing, no always means no.

"Once you've said yes, you can't change your mind"
Of course you can, it's NOT a contract, if you change your mind at any point, say so and if the person doesn't stop that still counts as sexual abuse, just because it's started never means anything.

"You didn't say no, so that was a yes"
Sometimes a personal is unable to say no, but if a person is uncomfortable, distressed or scared in any shape or form you should always stop.

Conclusion: 
Sexual Abuse is never the fault of the victim, and the way people choose not to believe people is sick, just because someone doesn't feel like they can go to the police doesn't mean they are lying. Just because the accused person is nice to other people you don't know what they are like underneath- you can never judge a book by a cover. Sexual abuse can happen to anyone of any age, it's not just the pretty, skinny people it happens to, it can happen to anyone. Instead of telling your daughters not to go out late at night or on their own or even in short clothes how about telling your sons that NO means no, and if someone says no, don't pressure them. It's their choice not yours. No-one asks to be abused, it's never the victims fault, blame the abuser not the abused.

If you want to talk to anyone about the issues in this post, I have put some websites below:


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23 comments

  1. wow you did a great a job on this blog post well done, It must of been hard to write x

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  2. This is such a brave and important post, Olivia! Thanks for sharing. xx
    Laurel | www.alittlepieceofdriftwood.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. This must have been really hard to write, but I'm glad that you have. It is something that is also close to my heart and I feel that a lot of these misconceptions are really damaging to anyone who is a victim of sexual abuse. Another thing that I hate is when people automatically assume that the victim of sexual/mental/physical abuse is "weak" because it happened to them. It can happen to the strongest, independent people, especially if the perpetrator is someone you trust.
    I agree that instead of educating potential victims, we should educate everyone on why no does actually mean no.

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  4. Excellent post. I've been wanting to write one similar but as it's such a sensitive subject I think it's going to take a bit more planning from me. Lots of respect for being able to write this!
    Olivia x
    sunshineinadress.blogspot.com

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  5. Great post lovely! This topic is something that is very important to me, and I think you're very brave to post this :)

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  6. There is something you missed. Saying no at any time is very real, but just because the person doesn't say it, doesn't mean it is a yes or no. A clear defined answer is the only way.

    Sometimes it can paralyze you mentally, emotionally, physically and verbally during and you may be unable to say straight out "no". However, if the person, man or woman, does not out right say yes, you need to walk away. It is the only safest bet.

    Angie x | Chocolate & Lipstick || UK Beauty and Lifestyle Blog

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  7. Very good post - well written. The stories in the news are muddying the water, but rape is always rape, no matter how short the skirt or how drunk the person.

    #UKBloggers

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  8. I love this. I feel so strongly about this subject. I volunteer at a home for physically abused moms and their children. I love all of them, they're all super adorable - WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE THAT I LOVE WHY CANT RAPERS BUY SEX TOYS OR FIND SOMEONE ON TINDER WHOS INTERESTED WHY HURT INNOCENT PEOPLE


    zoessecretstyle.blogspot.co.il

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  9. Thank you for your comment it means a lot to me :-)


    I agree, with everything you've said above, but some people will never get it x

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  10. Thank you hun, there's no justifying it ever xx

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  11. Such a good post! It makes me so sad that even now, in 2015, people don't get this. Well done on writing about such a sensitive and difficult subject in an informative, dignified and honest way. X


    http://embrace-thedetours.com

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  12. Thank you for writing this hun, it was really hard to read but it shouldn't be as it is so important for people to know and realise :( so so sad when people just don't know what isn't and isn't classified.

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  13. I've heard all of these things and more. I feel the more education and the more people who speak freely about how wrong the misconceptions are the better we'll be as a community. There is too much victim blaming and not enough understanding.


    -M
    www.violetroots.com

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  14. I LOVE this post and I can't take off enough hats to you. It's something I think we need to address and talk about more.

    https://theremightbecoffee.wordpress.com/

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  15. There was they guy in the news not too long ago, who raped a poor girl and refused to take any blame for it. He stated that rape is always the fault of the victim, and if women are out at night after 9pm, that's obviously what they want. So, basically Women have a curfew now. Its so messed up.

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  16. Yeah it's an important topic that needed talking about, I feel like there's too many misconceptions which come with it and it's wrong :( x

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  17. There definitely needs to be more understanding of the victim it's wrong that they ever get blamed :( x

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  18. Thank you so much, it was hard to write but I am glad I did :) x

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  19. That is wrong, women deserve to do what they want when they want and not get the blame for it ! xx

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  20. Brilliant post! Nobody asks for anything like this, no matter the circumstances, no means no unless a woman has consented. It shouldn't be so hard for people to understand. No matter how short the dress or low cut the top, intoxicated or flirtatious, nobody deserves to be violated. It's like that bus rape in India, there was a programme on it the other week and the prosecutor in the case said the woman deserved it because she was out at night. The F/CK! Did she deserve it, it's rude and unfortunately the views in the East are met with the ones in the West. With views like this women aren't safe and will be blamed because someone needs to feel control. xo

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