Saturday, 28 February 2015

Start Now, Not Tomorrow- My Story Of Mental Health.

As I write these words on the page it's impossible to say how people are going to react when they read them, but I am going to talk about two words. Two words which nearly everyone has been affected with is too scared to talk about in case of being judged only to find out more people than ever are also suffering too. If you haven't figured it out yet, I am talking about Mental Health. I have wrote a smaller version of this post and some of struggles before, but I decided now is the time to get real and talk. So I've dealt with Depression since the age of 14, it's been hard always, I've always been the outcast, the weirdo, the freak for as long as I can remember I've always been odd. At first I just thought I was really sad a lot of time no-one talked to me about what I could of been dealing with but I didn't really let on how bad it really was, I was being bullied to the point where I could of taken my own life, I went to counselling and got put on medication many times but nothing seemed to get any better. Somehow for two years I managed to just "deal with it" I'd spend a lot of time eating and gained a lot of weight, but nothing made me feel any better.

Last summer I realized I couldn't go on how I was and ended up being re-diagnosed and further to be diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) due to things which have previously happened to me (don't feel right talking about them on here) some of you may of noticed my HUGE break from blogging, and it was all related I felt like I couldn't even get out of bed let alone, set up perfect pictures, go on the internet, join in with chats and write blog posts and if I did they just wouldn't been to my standard. But after a long break, I am happier than ever and glad to be back.

So why am I writing this post may you ask? Well I am writing this post to talk to you about the seriousness of Mental Health and how more people are struggling more than ever, people are scared to talk in case they get judged, you can't see Mental Health- who says it's even a thing to some people its not, some people will never understand, some think depression is sadness etc. But I'm here to say to you, you can do it whether you tell another blogger, a friend, a family member if you are struggling you can talk to people. At the end of the day Mental Health is a REAL thing, people are suffering with it, the same way they are Cancer, and it takes lives also. If you could talk to someone and help them through you could save someones life.

 I am lucky after many years of suffering I've got true friends, an amazing boyfriend and a support network behind me and one day I hope to beat my illness, I know I'll have down days and I'll never be the same again, but you know what? I'll probably be damn stronger than I have ever been when I come to terms with everything that has happened. Mental Health isn't something to ashamed of, it's not a dirty thing, it's not wrong. Some people will question why I put my business something as personal as this online, but why not? What's wrong with sharing something that could save someone else from suffering in silence. I'm not ashamed of my illness, who I am anymore and neither should you be.

The question on everyone's mind, why did I change my name? Or for those who didn't know I changed my name from Jessica Leigh to Olivia Jade, it's something I've thought about for a very long time, and I am SO happy I did it, it's made me feel like I can start over again as the person I've always wanted to be, I feel awkward when I am constantly being asked why so there is your answer, I picked the name because I like it and it makes me happy when people say they are proud of me for doing it or that I'm brave, I am actually starting to agree, it's a pretty big thing to do but I won't ever look back, I am Olivia and I am here to tell you, that no matter what you are struggling with, big or small. If you can't talk to someone you know in real life, you can always send me a message, whether this is appropriate to my blog or not, I don't even care this is something I feel passionate about and I won't be silenced anymore. Thank you if you took the time to read this entire post and I'd love it if you could share it with others as it's something we need to deal with now rather than later.


  1. Thank you for sharing your experience, suffering from depression myself there is always something weirdly comforting reading that you are not alone and mental health struggles are real. I hope that your name continues to make you extremely happy x

  2. Great post - thanks for being brave enough to write and share this post Olivia. I hope one day we look at mental illness just like any other illness and remove the barriers people face in dealing with it. You sound like you have amazing support to keep you in your happy place :) Helen xx (

  3. Thank you for sharing this! It's so so important like you said to talk about mental health and stamp out the stigma behind it. I have suffered from bouts of anxiety, and count myself to be very lucky that I have been able to deal with it - but only through talking to someone and getting help. There's no shame in asking for help at all.

    I'm so glad you're back and feeling better! x

  4. Thank you for sharing your story.
    I can't imagine what you went through and still going through having fortunately never suffered with any mental health issues. But i have seen depression take over and attempt to destroy a person. My sister also has anxiety which is another taboo subject.
    This is such a brave post and I'm glad there are people in the world like you who have the strength to talk about these issues and maybe make a change to society's view of mental health.

    Congrats on your name change. I'm so hlad you are finding your way And starting your new journey.

    Rach //

  5. thank you for sharing such a hard subject with us all. I am actually about to post a blog post on self harm. as its self harm awareness day tomorrow and I feel that t is also such a tabo subject even though 1 in 12 teens self harm. Mental health in general is such a tabo subject. I am watching it tear apart my twin and its horrible and its effecting my own mental health.
    You are very brave to share your story.
    Becca x

  6. Really great post, thanks for sharing. Very wise and brave words, it's great to hear that you're feeling better than ever though :)
    Hannah x

  7. Really great post, thanks for sharing. Very wise and brave words, it's great to hear that you're feeling better than ever though :)
    Hannah x

  8. Such a great post. There is still a huge stigma over mental health, but posts like this go a long way in trying to break that xx Sophie/

  9. Fantastic post love and well done for doing it. The stigma around mental health and talking about it still so strong and posts like this help to fight that. I'm so glad you are feeling better!


  10. Well done for sharing your story - i can't imagine it was easy. I know a few people who suffer from various forms of mental health and its good to see people like yourself trying to raise awareness and bring the issue to light!
    Well done!
    Natalie xx

  11. Hi Olivia, great post. I think like you said so many people suffer, but feel ashamed to admit it as there is some kind of un spoken rule in society. I do think that is changing and a lot of it has to do with bloggers like you who write these type of posts. I have never suffered from depression as such, but has seen a lot of it within my family and understand the horrendous effects it has on people. I struggle with anxiety which links to depression in many ways. Writing honestly and talking about it is really the only way forward. Glad things are looking up! xxx

  12. Really touching post. Hope it inspires others in similar situations.Thanks so much for sharing.

    Kerise x

  13. Very personal post and like I said on twitter it is very brave of you to put this out there. I'm glad you have been able to find support and get better.


  14. This is a really fab post! I definitely think it's important to put our experiences out there and for all to be aware of how prevalent it is. I find it tough as I do feel as though there is a culture change in some areas (such as in blogs I would feel comfortable sharing!), but in others it is still a big deal to ever admit you have any kind of mental illness. I think we just need to keep sharing and eventually all will listen! x

    Jasmin Charlotte | UK Lifestyle Blog

  15. Sending all the love to you right now. I'm so sorry you've been struggling but well done for taking the steps to start getting better, and if changing your name has helped then thats even better. Olivia Jade is a lovely name and there is an equally lovely person behind that name. Always here if you ever need to talk, but so glad to see you back blogging. <3

    Emma x
    Writing Essays With Wine

  16. Well done for speaking out, you are so brave. I can totally relate to you and this post - I have suffered from depression and also PTSD too. Luckily I had really great friends and family to support me, but of course it takes a really long time to deal with and make go away - I'm still working on it now. Sending lots of love and well done for recognising your problems - taking the first steps are always the hardest. xxx

  17. such a great and honest post, well done for speaking out

  18. Such a lovely yet heart breaking post. I'm sorry to hear about all your troubles. I can really relate to you. I've suffered from depression since I was 10 years old and I had an auntie with bipolar disorder so I know a lot about how mental health can affect your life xx

  19. Olivia this post is incredible. I can't even begin to imagine how much courage it took to write this, never mind hit publish! Depression, anxiety and self harming is something I've been fighting since I was 14, same as you, it's hitting me really hard at the moment but I'm trying my best not to let it win, and this post is exactly what I needed to read. I don't know why people seem to feel the need to judge as soon as you mention mental health, depression or anxiety, just because they can't see any physical illness or impairment does not mean you aren't suffering on the inside.
    I think we should all be making a hell of a lot more noise about mental health and encouraging others to acknowledge it as a real issue, I'm so happy you've written this.

    Lucie x


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