Saturday, 28 February 2015
Start Now, Not Tomorrow- My Story Of Mental Health.
As I write these words on the page it's impossible to say how people are going to react when they read them, but I am going to talk about two words. Two words which nearly everyone has been affected with is too scared to talk about in case of being judged only to find out more people than ever are also suffering too. If you haven't figured it out yet, I am talking about Mental Health. I have wrote a smaller version of this post and some of struggles before, but I decided now is the time to get real and talk. So I've dealt with Depression since the age of 14, it's been hard always, I've always been the outcast, the weirdo, the freak for as long as I can remember I've always been odd. At first I just thought I was really sad a lot of time no-one talked to me about what I could of been dealing with but I didn't really let on how bad it really was, I was being bullied to the point where I could of taken my own life, I went to counselling and got put on medication many times but nothing seemed to get any better. Somehow for two years I managed to just "deal with it" I'd spend a lot of time eating and gained a lot of weight, but nothing made me feel any better.
Last summer I realized I couldn't go on how I was and ended up being re-diagnosed and further to be diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) due to things which have previously happened to me (don't feel right talking about them on here) some of you may of noticed my HUGE break from blogging, and it was all related I felt like I couldn't even get out of bed let alone, set up perfect pictures, go on the internet, join in with chats and write blog posts and if I did they just wouldn't been to my standard. But after a long break, I am happier than ever and glad to be back.
So why am I writing this post may you ask? Well I am writing this post to talk to you about the seriousness of Mental Health and how more people are struggling more than ever, people are scared to talk in case they get judged, you can't see Mental Health- who says it's even a thing to some people its not, some people will never understand, some think depression is sadness etc. But I'm here to say to you, you can do it whether you tell another blogger, a friend, a family member if you are struggling you can talk to people. At the end of the day Mental Health is a REAL thing, people are suffering with it, the same way they are Cancer, and it takes lives also. If you could talk to someone and help them through you could save someones life.
I am lucky after many years of suffering I've got true friends, an amazing boyfriend and a support network behind me and one day I hope to beat my illness, I know I'll have down days and I'll never be the same again, but you know what? I'll probably be damn stronger than I have ever been when I come to terms with everything that has happened. Mental Health isn't something to ashamed of, it's not a dirty thing, it's not wrong. Some people will question why I put my business something as personal as this online, but why not? What's wrong with sharing something that could save someone else from suffering in silence. I'm not ashamed of my illness, who I am anymore and neither should you be.
The question on everyone's mind, why did I change my name? Or for those who didn't know I changed my name from Jessica Leigh to Olivia Jade, it's something I've thought about for a very long time, and I am SO happy I did it, it's made me feel like I can start over again as the person I've always wanted to be, I feel awkward when I am constantly being asked why so there is your answer, I picked the name because I like it and it makes me happy when people say they are proud of me for doing it or that I'm brave, I am actually starting to agree, it's a pretty big thing to do but I won't ever look back, I am Olivia and I am here to tell you, that no matter what you are struggling with, big or small. If you can't talk to someone you know in real life, you can always send me a message, whether this is appropriate to my blog or not, I don't even care this is something I feel passionate about and I won't be silenced anymore. Thank you if you took the time to read this entire post and I'd love it if you could share it with others as it's something we need to deal with now rather than later.